waddayear

Today I am grateful for the mountains, for when the trail levels out and lets you take a good breath, for people I can trust, and time to appreciate that.

I am grateful that I can still accept a challenge but have enough sense to know when to back down.

I am grateful for my shoes, my poles, my tent. Dry socks, hot chocolate, and time. 

Sweet time with these guys.

There were people running that trail but hiking sections 3, 4, and 5 of the Pinhoti was all I could manage. Thanks to a very special guide I have been able to hike the first five sections this year. I start crying when I think about how to describe it.

Thank you, 2018.

Bring it, 2019.

Happy New Year, man.

including Johnny Depp

"Do I want to speak of the miracle of our Lord's divine transformation? Not really. No. I don't want to talk about his divinity. I'd rather talk about his humanity. I mean, you know, how he lived his life here on earth. His kindness. His tolerance. Listen. Here's what I think. I think we can't go around measuring our goodness by what we don't do, by what we deny ourselves, what we resist, and who we exclude. I think we've got to measure goodness by what we embrace, what we create, and who we include."

Pere Henri in Chocolat by Joanne Harris

Today I am grateful to be included.

also,

he recommended this guy.

to name one of seven puppies

Puppies for Breakfast I think to title it, the story of two girls playing in an ocean of puppies before they even ate their waffles. She tells me, "No. People may think you're actually eating puppies for breakfast."

"What?"

"Call it Puppy Love."

"But don't you think Puppy Love has been used a lot. There's a reason, I know. It's good. It's solid. It's understandable, relatable. But puppies for breakfast is what those girls were doing."

We decide on Puppy Talk, and I smile as I go through photos of that morning.

If we had called it puppies for breakfast we would have had to see her being chased, attacked, the sun making the frost glisten. The contrast. She had a favorite puppy. She knows her by her hernia. And that puppy is hers.

Hers should be that puppy's name.


Today I am grateful to have puppies for breakfast.

that same bird

People just give him stuff everywhere he goes. We sat at a free table yesterday. Then he led me on a tour, and I forgot my camera 'cause sometimes you can and sometimes you have to.

His room I didn't think to measure because I was so distracted by the history of centuries of how we began to record and listen to music and what an obsession, what a focus this young man has. So I have to clean out his car and put up my tent and take a photo and marinate the candied fruit to go in a cake I don't know how to make, but it does come with directions.


He said, "You need to come over. You don't have a life."

Then leads me into a home with people and dogs and cats and so many stories and so much history and it's a museum in the woods and he is it's curator.



Today I am grateful for our local curator. What a kid.

this guy's birthday

I must make him a lemon pie and what do you get a man who has everything?

He says, "I don't know about that car."

"That car is just fine."

He grins. "You look like a 15 year old boy in it."

We said a couple of things after that.



Today I am grateful to know how to make the lemon pie he loves and I hope to make a fruitcake just the same. And get a car cleaned out.


He put some bling on it, but she gave it to me.

And Santa. and the kids. It's a beautiful time of year.

feeling, general

Today I am grateful for women, men, children, trails, books, teachers, mothers, fathers, homes. Fish, dogs, deer, turkeys, cats, armadillos and possums even. Electricity, running water, a creek, fertile ground, a guy who planned it out like this.

Wednesday's project: crazy invite to the photography club

When you don't take the shot, there's a shot you see. When you're not distracted by the lens or the photo you just took, you look out and see them. The shot we missed was from the courthouse down main, backed up off the street as close to a wide angle as you can with a 70-200mm lens. The wide angle would be just too wide for this.

His new camera was delivered, but the lens won't be here till Wednesday.
Then he'll take a long break with his camera and that lens.
To be a kid at Christmas, people.


Today I am grateful for the potential of a new project.

49,000 photos deleted this past week

I am grateful for those photos that photographer took, the next four days of intense work, hot water, soap, a toothbrush. I have to get my head together and donate.

Make a list.

toothbrush
soap
a throw
baby dolls


She said that the nursing home needs some stuff.


Call her back. Go by and see her. Get the list. Write down what she dictates to you.



Today I am grateful that she has a list.

Young Woman You Amaze Me at Berry's in Magee

There was that drive to see that girl, oops excuse me, college graduate teacher and her mom and her husband and dad and brother and sister in law and grandpa and cousin and friends.

And the food.
And you know what?

This has to be the reason I walk.

I walk for a woman who wears a hat to dinner, who makes me laugh every time I see a picture of her, a kid with whom I share Cool Hand Luke stories and who makes my car's voice come from the steering wheel, and people are everywhere I look and listen. Photographs can be treasures. What an awesome place this is.

What a gift are people.

I am grateful for teachers and women and men and a dinner of a buffet which will make you sit till it settles. She graduated college but I told her that I'm just glad she found us another reason to come here.

16 minutes, 7 seconds to spare

Close the door. Lock it.
Press play.
And close your eyes.
Or clean house.
Or work like a fein.
Or whatever it is you like.

who you know, what you know

He says, "It's not what you know. It's who you know." And yes, he understands that I don't agree but I especially understand that I have very little I can teach him. I don't even know if my truth should be his. He's right. I wouldn't be where I am today without the people in my life.



Today I am grateful for a kid who has been kind enough to slow down for a moment and teach me.
The irony is that when I feel angry, insecure, disappointed, or like I need a drink, it's not because of who I know. It's because of how little I've learned with all the advantages I've had. It's because I should be better than I am.

'tis the season

for yellow elephants with stars in their ears and children who finally find where they belong and matching pajamas and so much food it's guilt.


Today I am grateful for a wake-up call, a chic who wanted to make the drive, kids who are the light of their grandparents' eyes, and a place where we all feel like we belong.

10 mile hike

saxophones, drums, keyboards, synthesizers? I'm not sure.
I just know he plays a passport in it. Red Bull Studios.



great music.



there's this moment when the day is ruined because a life is lost and it's not. Hers isn't. The impact she had will remain because she was so special to so many people. She was too good for the space I've created here, and I hope her mama knows how every last one of us is on bended knee.

I gotta jump to some good. I got to find it out there so it will be there when you look up.


The kid says he knows what's best for him and how am I to argue with that.
And yes. He's right.



Today I am grateful for the great music but the even better life of a girls women men sons brothers everyone. there's so many of us. I just want everybody to be okay and I gotta trust you are and will be even when that's not true sometimes.

quote you always remember

The harsh way I speak is of a rig hand, a laborer, a fell off the rig and was back the next hitch.
Logging was his industry, work was his faith, and sometimes when I speak you can hear him.


and I do kinda like that about me.



Today I am grateful for one of the men who taught me how to speak,
though it may not always be right and sometimes it feels filled with anger,
I think I understand that more now.

There's not enough time to do everything.



Today I am also grateful for that one wall calendar which read, "Stop acting like your Atlas carrying the world on your shoulders. It will go on with or without you."

keep it simple next year

Isn't this around the time we say what was so great about the year and plan on the next and pick out the top ten of however we're counting the best?


The best movie for me came this past month.




Today I am grateful for great movies.

cold and rainy

Today I am grateful for a warm house, plenty of blankets, and plans to see family.

hobo list

Timing, weight, temperature, layers, the very fabric of as survivalist as I want to be.
But it is a fun problem to have because it's math, lists, vocabulary, language, science, hypothesis.

It is never, ever sweet potatoes in any form or fashion, but it may contain a moment when you stand, raise your trekking poles into the air, and declare with as big as you have remaining in as finally as anyone has ever said, "yes."



There is this tuna in this silver pouch and I hope that as a population the fish is okay because in one moment in the upcoming moments I will with my fingers place that most beautiful, lovely, no salt, no pepper, just straight up protein in the most exquisite tongue dance. Best bite of food I've ever eaten came when I truly needed it.




Today I am grateful for that tuna.

physics and marketing

Schrodinger's cat and Schredinger's explanation for those days when you love the internet.

the war continues

He'll call soon. I am supposed to be much more ready than I am
BUT
lower left buttock.


A story obviously got in the way. One I must tell him in a minute.



It's the her story of a long held grudge between two women of separate families.
One a blonde maiden, the other a brunette.
The talented, the less.
Short stop. Left field.
She was faster and always laughing and still today we are children.


But back then (she says not thirty-eight years ago)
But don't trust her (she stole my glove and threw it over the fence)
And though I didn't vow on that day to pay her back thirty-eight years later,
It is funny to now watch and be a part of a vendetta which has lasted because we call it a friendship.



I told her that the daughters must pay for the sins of their mothers in a not so accurately quoted religious way, and she laughs the same laugh she did as a kid. And then I laugh because she's got a great laugh. The kind of person you're always trying to tell a joke to. You know.


Anyway. This is one I will tell the girls and watch them as I try to twist and twirl the words.


The talented now has a talented daughter and I am the proud but temporary owner of my brother's child who is the only one faster on a team of gifted young women. This here is a setup for the perfect revenge and for two years we have openly discussed the moment when my niece will run with the might of many horses and within a blur of what was that snatch the glove from the opposing woman's child.

We envisioned it, and the morale of this story may be that we should stick to the plan because a deviation of me taking the place of my niece against the second fastest horse on the team did not work out so well. Unless, of course, you consider the laughter and me taking a face plant into the grass. You should never allow anyone to video the moments immediately after you say the words, "No. I got this, Jess."

And she smiled.
And Hannah pushed record.

And I told my kid that the video is his Christmas present.
And he laughed until he cried as I told him the story tonight.

Because I tiptoed up to that young woman with the confidence of when I was ten years old and thirty eight years later that can get funny. I don't know if she heard or smelled me but she did jump when she turned around and we faced off like two old west gun slingers. Her with that glove. Me wanting it figuring I'd throw it to Jess once I got my hand on it. And I really thought I could until the slow motion moments after she disappeared in a flash to her left and I bent then pushed off from my same until that side's buttock area happened in a way I can't quite explain or even still understand other than my left lower extremity was no longer of any use to me.

The people watching said I rolled and I must have because I was covered in grass and tears from laughing. Hannah said that to someone who had not understood what was happening, it surely looked like I had been shot. And yes, life is fantastic but once again we have another episode of me getting too old to act like that.

But I still will.
Because one of the things I am most grateful for is his, hers, theirs, yours, and yes my own laughter.


The thirty-eight year war continues. There are no treaties.

no more trivia night

This is not where I want to be. Here in a booth on Trivia Night with a strained muscle in my ass from the gymnastics I tried earlier today. This bar, the other one, the coffee, the cake, the beer with the bite until about three sips in. This is not where I want to be.

So why am I here?

I say it's because of her. What would she do if I said no? Sometimes I try, but arguing is our thing and she likes wings.

So I guess this place is okay. Our Wednesday afternoon thing, but don't we need to be hiking and trying out foods for a five-day, eighty mile, fifteen thousand calories, and a cold you may not understand scenario?

She could do that one afternoon a week and weekends and I am grateful she's going to a cardiologist today. I am also grateful to know that she is mentally ill. Her heart is just fine.

late gratitude

I am grateful for a late night and a late start, plans for a late afternoon hike, and the kindness granted someone who just needed to be a little late this morning.

book? this.

We who are
your closest friends
feel the time
has come to tell you
that every Thursday
we have been meeting,
as a group,
to devise ways
to keep you
in perpetual uncertainty
frustration
discontent and
torture
by neither loving you
as much as you want
nor cutting you adrift.
Your analyst is
in on it,
plus your boyfriend
and your ex-husband;
and we have pledged
to disappoint you
as long as you need us.
In announcing our association
we realize we have
placed in your hands
a possible antidote
against uncertainty
indeed against ourselves.
But since our Thursday nights
have brought us
to a community
of purpose
rare in itself
with you as
the natural center,
we feel hopeful you
will continue to make unreasonable
demands for affection
if not as a consequence
of your disastrous personality
then for the good of the collective.
Author Phillip Lopate
Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. pp 11-12

Today I am grateful for poets and writers and yeah.

capturing music

Como Sessions with Woodstomp

Today I am grateful to have the time, knowledge, access, equipment, and the determination to put out a video for these guys. We're going to go ahead and get over that it will never be good enough but maybe better than we've done before.

We'll see.

Here they are.

when we speak of survival

So much of the enjoyment found in hiking is planning the trip. Getting organized, discussing plans with family, laughing about this could be it for your mama, son. He already mentioned the story he'll tell at my funeral and I quickly said, "There'll be none of that, child. You must get to my body before your grammie does. Plus, I'm gonna live to be at least a hundred and eight."

"Or you may die next month," he reminds me.



Today I am grateful to live through our next trip.
I'm just going to go ahead and claim that one here and now.

it's okay

There is guilt in not being
everything you need to be to everybody
but then maybe
you just have to say
I'm not meant to be anything to you.

And that is exactly what you need to be.


I am grateful for a world so full that it involves guilt.

writer

It's the feel of it, the slight weight, ultra fine point, a relaxed cursive is nice. The ink is a perfect thickness. It's not that my favorite pen is cheap. There have to be at least a zillion free pens out there.

But a Sharpie is worth paying for. Isn't it?

Today I am grateful for ink, a typeface, a font, a warm cozy this is how it feels to write again.


Gratitude here. Gratitude there. Do they have to be different?

Garmont

Como Courtyard

Today I am grateful for a good pair of hiking shoes and a nice place to take them off.

more than even

It is the return of normalcy, schedule, familiar faces, daily routine.
A basketball game.
A colleague.

I turn to him and say, "I want to do something different."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I just know that we have to change something up."

He smiles and nods, "I get it."

Later he takes the wide angle into the locker room.



Today I am grateful for normal life.
Maybe this is all I ever needed.
More than even.

master of my choices

Today I am grateful for music and the 8 mile hike option.

surviving

It can be overwhelming. All that gratitude.

Tonight I'm grateful to know that you're never without a good man when you can bed with one of your favorites.

He seldom got downright drunk, but he did enjoy feeling misty along about sundown, keeping his mood good with tasteful swigs as the sky to the west began to color up. The whiskey didn't damage his intellectual powers any, but it did make him more tolerant of the raw sorts he had to live with: Call and Pea Eye and Deets, young Newt, and old Bolivar, the cook.
McMurtry's Lonesome Dove, p18

I'll text you

It may be considered the rap/hip hop phase of remember in 2018 when you went down that rabbit hole? You go down enough rabbit holes you begin to recognize the void you see. So, you think,

"Man, I gotta get back to work after a lunch and a babysitting gig with a kid that may indeed cry the entire time her parents are trying to have dinner. It's alright. The other kid will help me."

Well...

10 miles today. Lunch with a friend. Plenty of water. Get calendar done. 5 day Pinhoti Hike in December. Make a list. Turn off that damn phone. Go to bed early.


It was my kid who explained everything to me because yes, I am an idiot.
First step, people.


"Mom, he's with family. He's home to spend time with them. What time is it? 10:00?"

"Yeah."

"He found a better option. You didn't make the cut."

"Yeah."

"You said he had a girlfriend. Right?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe he just doesn't feel comfortable about doing that to her."

"Yeah."




Today I am grateful for where his music led me, and I respect that he needs to not text me.

his open invitation to my fear

She says, "Invite him."

"Oh yeah, I did. He got that same stupid invitation you did."

"No. Just you and him. See when he can come. Let me know."



Today I am grateful to learn how an open invitation can show us what we thought we didn't need. How memories can fail, and we can all of a sudden in the blink of an eye look at someone and talk to them and we can't even explain it, we just believe.

We have thoughts that would make you blush. They makes us blush.


Our question for each other: Is this a manic episode? Do I look back at my life and say that there were definite highs and lows andbut we found one other person going through the same damn thing and we just go with that mission stuff.



I guess this is an open invitation for me to see.

happy thanksgiving, computer

It's a jolt to the system. As simple as a squeaking door. As complicated as there is a history here. The now decorated scar of a feeding tube.

"I told him that I wanted him to make it beautiful."

She models the acanthus leaf that Doug from Oxford Tattoo Company began on her body. 

We sit at the table and talk. 

"What is it with suffering?" I ask. "He says that his best times were times of suffering? Why is that? Why do we say that?"

She nods and as if she's thought about it a million times. Says, "Suffering through something makes you feel empowered. When you suffer through something you feel strong. I found my voice and all of a sudden I'm not afraid anymore." 

Yes, it hurt, but she's getting another one, "I want to extend it around my side and up. Here," she picks up her phone. "Let me show you."

They are beautiful, her plans. And she has a lot of hope like the dream she had last night of a beach, an apartment, and her mom. She doesn't smile. She beams.

A lot like the light I find here.

We laugh because we're having the same problem right now and were both wondering if we were mentally ill. And yes, the jury is still out but at least we know we're not alone in this. It is messy Como sessions, socked feet, blankets, pillows, a stocked fridge, and ohemmgee the friends.

Today I am grateful for a day to think about the insanity, the love, the opportunity, the how we just picked up where we left off, and how I will always, always want us to be.

selfie, it all is anyway

The ivy has grown thick to the point that you wonder if it is now becoming one with the brick and what haven't I photographed of this place. And yes, we've moved into his space. And I think I should be a better steward of what I claim as my own space.




Today I am grateful for this time and this space and that music and amen.

Como Sessions

Today I am grateful for a gorgeous day, a gathering of talented people and great music.
I can't imagine this being anywhere else.

hallowed ground

It's the place but it's the people and he says,

"Call if you need to chat or I just need to calm you down. It's gonna be great. Everyone is excited for a cool experience."



Today I am grateful to know cool people who have showed me what it looks like to be cool so that maybe I can pretend I am cool for just a weekend.



Also, it's the music.

when left to my own devices

Como Sessions
Why Not?

I actually said the words out loud to him. "If you have to pay a dime for college, there's no need for you to go."

Photography is a skill, a trade, a liberal arts degree at best, and that's not saying that proper schooling doesn't have it's place but come on. That kid knows how to use the internet. Teachers are everywhere. Could you even watch every Adobe tutorial ever made and have time to eat, sleep, and practice your trade? No.


He just needs mentors, or people who were helped along the way and know that you don't get it without giving it.




She says, "I'm getting a camera for Christmas."

"Good for you."

Then, "He graduates and after he does I want to be him. I want to do what he's doing."

"It's not just having a camera. It's having a passion for it. A mind that won't quit even when the world is telling it to. I wasn't looking for him or that. I have enough to do. He came, and I saw what he was doing. I don't care about you having a camera. You got to show me your best work."

She nods. She seems to know what that means.

We'll see.






Today I am grateful to be surrounded by minds open and willing to learn and teach.





I send him a quick message and ask, "If we planned a meal and cooked together one evening, what music would you play from the corner of the adjoining room? Do you ever dance in the kitchen?"


Also, would someone please get my car to play this mixtape?

music

I can't go to Como without Leonard. Right?



Today I am grateful for the existence of Como.



But this time I take him, too.

Blue Rock Artist Ranch & Studio

Seems like a school. How much for the university?


I sometimes tremble when I think of him.

quotes keep you here

release your grip, let him go

Life without him is like riding a bicycle with no hands.

It's ohmygosh I'm doing it.
I can.
Thrilling then.
I can't live.

Ridiculous.



Today I am grateful for narcissistic drivel.
It does help me to see me being selfish and greedy.

old photo of old things

Today I am grateful for good food, great energy, missed calls, short messages, and being named #3 at the gym.

Anything to impress him.

ink

Today I am grateful to be able to help my brother.

when you love his ellipsis

I wonder if I can work with him so I try working with him and yes. He's funny and I wonder how much personal time I would need with him and just how selfish I should not be. Anyway, yesterday was nice and with only a slight imperfection.

He wasn't here, but he does know how to use an ellipsis.



Today I am grateful for a conversation,
for a smile, a laugh,
photos of the girls having a party,
and...

the new thing

It has air conditioning and a radio. Striped seats and a shiny dash and windshield wipers which take, push or work the magic of removing the water from that huge, beautiful glass. It's beautiful and crazy, the morning. But I am at work at 9:45 or a little thereafter and don't you feel like you have to do a lot of work in this life to pay back what this life has given you?

So to pay back the people who pay me with their attention, their travel, their poses, their laughter, I think I'm supposed to come here and bring gratitude.




BUT (and this one's huge.)




Today I am grateful to be able to carry music with me in my car.

And Though

Slow ourselves down into this one starting with a gift so fine I am ashamed to mention it.


And the music lately
And conversations
And eyes that smile
And the ends may never end
And we hope they don't


Though we already have our last song.



Today I am grateful for the heartache, the struggle, the tears, the pain, the however we came.

two nights in a row

dinner out. wonderfully fattening foods.
bacon cheeseburger with A1 steak sauce.
loaded baked potato with a massive ball of butter and cold sour cream.
mahi mahi, blackened in a booth.


I ate all my food both nights but tonight especially.



Dang.




Today I am grateful for a treadmill and an elliptical and the need for a new habit for me and the crew. Plus, I think I just hooked us a personal trainer for free.

WHHHHuuuuT? Yep.

Hannah is going to show us how to shape our bodies three times a week.
Bonded over a Bubba's meal.

chasing the moon

The computer registers girl just pushing buttons. Must help.
It does and I walk off 118 calories in thirty minutes.
It doesn't seem like much but it sure feels like it.
The computer registers it's been a while for girl.



But we laugh, him and me.


And.
Well.
Why else would you work out, people?



Today I am grateful to start my day with his laughter.

this not that

I mean to show you this and say that's the single best use of a drone, but you'd argue.
And you should.



Today I am grateful for storytellers, musicians, videographers, people, and places.

note for Como, you didn't see so bright today

A rainy, Sunday afternoon is no time to have a meltdown but who's following the rules? Not you.

It's the invitation.
The insert at 4 x 6 is bigger than the 5 x 7 card.
Sad white envelope and a note.

Forty, please.


A hundred dollars in the office budget. The kid calls. He needs eighty for graduation, and I need a way to figure out how to make $180 on a day off.


If next time we can have the same budgets plus me and nobody taking from their own pockets, Como will be a success and we will be more. I think we both want that.



He says, "Of course."



Today I am grateful for a quart jar of lemon and water, the text of the week, pineapple juice, a him, a her, the guy at the counter who did his best for me,  a horse, a pony,

a tree,
two kids,
and an old barn.


You have to give photos.

then

this morning the two of them on clean sheets and fresh pillows.
the light outside the window, the highly impressive man.
I write you.





breathe through it. right?

palm up

Slight bend at the knees, that belly hanging over the belt, but there is a belt and the shirt is tucked in. His right arm is at a ninety-degree angle from his head though even that is tilted forward a bit. The hand at the end of that arm is where that palm is. He's telling somebody something 'cause the left hand is coming to hit those muscles stretched from his elbow to below his wrist. There's that look in his eyes again.


Today I am grateful for coaches.


Basketball is a beautiful drama comedy especially if you sit next to your son in a place where the two of you could get hit really hard with a ball traveling at flatten your face speed and you have so much fun because you're both laughing and loving every minute of it. It's good to go to a game.

weekend

Today I am grateful for music, photos, and weather.
Oh, the weather.
The weather feels like they sound.

selfish hope

Today I am grateful for a long list of a million things, but most of all to know when I've been wrong. I hope that. I hope that for me.

getting back to the hike

Four days. Can't be six. I was overreaching then. Plus, it's the holidays and I'm pretty sure your wife wants to kill me and could be forgiven. Let's just see what four does,



and on this thing that is blowing up and ohemghee surely you're coming,



when will we sit and talk and laugh and enjoy the fact we're still here?


Today I am grateful to know it will be soon, son.

invitation

Walk into warmth and an orange mango. What was that scent?
Gold and white lights down a hallway.
Take your shoes off at the door.
Lay your coat on the bed.
Hear music.
It's coming from the living room.


Stay the night or just the evening.
There's a place for you in Como.

before the storm

he asks, "Am I overwhelming you yet?"



"I'm up for the next couple hours."




she pleads, "Jesus take the wheel." except with a lot of exclamation marks.


and he sends music.







I shop with them against my will and he laughs.




Today I am grateful for time and addresses and sizes and we're doing this.
ohmygosh. are we doing this?

you understand

Grateful. Yes.

seasonal flowers

Willa knows, and mama says, "She likes me."

"Yeah. No doubt, but I don't trust her. I think she only likes you for your candy. You always have candy for her. She's just trying to get to the candy."

"She loves me."

"Yes. For the candy."


Today I am grateful for talk of Halloween.

it's okay to let go, the gift of misinterpretation

I know it will be okay. Como happens soon, and Ben is playing in the middle of the night again. And I laughed about fashion which obviously contributed to a bad mood. Today I am grateful for a home, a roof, a desk, a floor, and the night I got over Ben Harper was a song called Crazy Amazing. I don't even believe him anymore.


Except both you and him know the score. All he has to do is write one thing or send one song for me to misinterpret. It is a gift, the way I can destroy something that sometimes feels so like it's supposed to be. Except maybe not.




I felt stronger with him, but it's just because of the way he looked at me.
The way he looks at everyone.
Good for the world.
Good for me.


I know. I should care about the world. I do.

good morning

Better, I think.

I miss him and I should just plan to

The tragedy of a song feels like not a tragedy at all. Just a fade to.


Today I am grateful that surely he knows we never have to spend another single moment looking into each other's eyes. I'm just here, boo.


good morning

straightening the desk

Oh if you only knew the writing on the pages underneath Larry's book. Surely it's time we gather around the table again. Jim Miller (of no traceable relation) sent "Appears To Be Working" years ago (a decade maybe) when I was skipping around talking about publishing a book.

The problem was that I wasn't good enough to be in a book with the writers writing next to me.
And I wanted a story there. Maybe I'm still not good enough, but I think it's time to try this again.


Today I am grateful for a dinner with friends.

riding a bus being dreamy

It's that fish lens of a mirror which faces you.
The blue sky,
the yellow bus,
the pines, the keys,
the pavement, the hum.

And dialogue with him.


dot dot dot (long live the ellipses)
also, he is the only man I have ever accepted an Lol from.
that exclamation point? yes!



Today I am grateful for a slow start,
a driver/comedian,
the lighting,
the stage,
the people,
and a phone.

I make babies cry

It wasn't the terror scream her parents first witnessed when she was meeting me, but it was an uncomfortable, awkward, you're weird, why are you in my house type of thing.


Today I am grateful for progress.

impressive man

He thinks in a thorough transformation as if he is analyzing the very last detail of all something could be in a split second of everything.

He will make, she writes.

He already is, I reply.


Today I am grateful for him.

electronic post it notes

The text of the day read,

"What y'all want me to make?"

Texted the woman who makes everything and I've gotta get my butt in gear and make a night for her. Good gosh, people. Great people give greatly. It's what they do for a living. It's what she does.



"You do you, Boo."

Thumb typed the favorite.

Today I am grateful for phones. You knew it was happening.

so there's this kid

within her and him

"Are you a hobo?" She asks.
And I can only imagine I am answering a queen. "Yes."
"You're not good enough for my son. You lack so many things."
I nod. "Agreed."



Today I am grateful for a woman, a mother, a leader, a kindness who bred him, a smile I can see.

seriousness

This is serious.

Serious is six days in two months and five sections and 18,000 calories and he said, "The second day is always the worse no matter how many days you're out there. I was out there for four. That's as much as I've done."

"We can do six."

"Right?"

"When?"


Grateful for conversations with a kid.



Huge question to be explored: How many characters and their different voices will I set free on the upcoming journey? Hopefully, they all stay. We'll see.

silliness

at that blinking yellow light.



Today I am grateful for the sounds of the season, a weather that makes me shiver, mouth harp music, and a fire.

To drink? Water with lemon.

dramatic 😎 cool

I don't even like Pink's music but I send it because he makes me loopy.
And he's right. She can SANG.
All of them can.



Plus, I like to sometimes pretend I'm getting over the loopy part, i.e. now when I tell myself he has to have weekly pedicures, look at himself in magnifying mirrors, take two hours to get ready to go anywhere, and will not hike with me.


Today I am grateful for the kindness of a guy who I decided was more than even could be possible. Plus, he does admit. It was flattering.

family

Today I am grateful for family.