slowly

 Today I am grateful for the opportunity to return to work.

kidney stone one, I zero

 When Huberman talks about neuroplasticity it is understandable and sensible and of course, yes. My body is connected neurons and pathways and electrical currents relaying messages throughout my entire being but a small stone formed inside my kidney, and everything Huberman said was out the window at 5:00 a.m. By 5:15 I knew I couldn't make it to my brother's house, driving or walking. No way I could dial the phone for the shaking. I thought about Huberman's suggestions on breathing, maybe if I could control it.

And suffocate.

The stone won. I claimed defeat. Once it had it's victory, it let loose it's hold on me.

Later I had a conversation.

"What does the cow say?"

"Cow?"

"Yes, the cow."

"Cow?"

"Moooooo."

"Moooooo."

"Right. How 'bout the turkey? What does the turkey say?"

"Turkey?"

"Yes, the turkey."

"Turkey?"

"Gobble, gobble, gobble."

"Gobble," she smiles.

He says, "Don't listen to her."

She says, "Pop."

And this guy.

life after suffering

 I am grateful for relief, to breathe fresh air, to visit the grocery, to plan a party, the promise of a visit and a fruit basket left on my porch.

pain management

you send me the blue stones. thank you ❤️ 

It's immediate, the relief of two Aleve, three instances of hot water from that fixed shower beating ever so perfectly on my left loin, an injection of Toradol and the ending of Mr. Robot. Since then there has been The Huberman Lab, one hundred twenty-eight ounces of room temperature water, thirty-three of those shot up with the juice of an entire juicy lemon, and two hours plus six hours equaling eight hours of sleep. The goal is to get this stone out of my body and it's nearing the end of it's journey. The kidney is not so far away. I just have to push it and deal with the pain.

"Do you want to catch it?" He asks.

"No. I just want it out," I say.

"How did you get a kidney stone?" She asks.

"I don't know." 

I haven't exercised since the Goggins Challenge. That could have something to do with it. In order to manage my pain I have to train which means I have to manage my pain in order to train. Train for what? Train for life, goofy.

Today I am grateful for reason and purpose and help and plenty of water and plenty of lemons and that show ohmygosh. Christian Slater is drinking the Vanna White juice. Those two are doing something and Malek will never be anyone else for me. He will always be Elliot, and Chaikin will always be Darlene. Those writers drew beautiful characters, and I have to get back to training. Dang.

Also, a book to share with one of my favorite people.

Is it appropriate to give a seventeen year old a book you haven't read by one of your favorite writers and suggest that said teenager may possibly want to have a study about how McCarthy writes and the lives of his characters who we find in All the Pretty Horses? Should we, could we force someone to attend an informal book club disguised by the wrapping of a birthday present?

I'm saying yes and I think she will read it with me. We'll see.

season 4, episode 11

 

"What's the worst thing about your life right now?" Tyrell asks Elliot.

"...If I'm being honest, the worst thing in my life is also the best thing. I get up every morning; I play my records; I get ready, get my coffee; I come to work. I'm stuck in a repetitive, boring routine that feels endless and sure I have imagined what it would be like to be someone with a more exciting life. A risk taker, someone more interesting, but in the end I know I am lucky to be where I am."

Dang. I thought that was the end. I wanted that to be the end of Mr. Robot.

Shout out to Grace Gummer and Joey Bada$$ and everyone who took part in the creation of a grueling, heartbreaking, phenomenal series of why I stick with it.

Today I am grateful for a safe drive home, for the guy who repaired my shower while I was at work, a rolling thunder and music.

in the study

 

Today I am grateful for tired bones and a conversation with my kid.

spring

 

Meridian Museum of Art

Today I am grateful for the patience of others. It inspires me to work harder.

timing

 

Flowers at Moon Hollow Farm

Today I am grateful for a weekend with friends, a walk with Heddy and plans to collaborate with brilliant women.

Sardis

 

Some things you don't quantify but you have to name your price. The sacred is the sweet quiet, but the price includes an evening, a night, a morning and/or an afternoon. We'll follow the light or lack thereof. She'll be showing her art at Moon Hollow and I am wondering if this is what Como Sessions was all about. We didn't ever figure it out. Maybe it just had to figure itself out, but I'm getting a haircut and following Karen somewhere.

"You be strange, but don't be a stranger." Leon

the number one rated hot chocolate in the world

 

Found in the southernmost foothills of the Appalachian series in hot chocolate the way it's meant to be is where we need to be. And that series of pools of water which flowed downward over cool rock. Water never felt or tasted better. Long weekend, kids.

Today I am grateful for the opportunity to plan.

all the things

 

Today I am grateful for time and talks and art and music and faith.

scene

 

Yes, I know the place.

Today I am grateful for a request, an interest and all the possibility in Como, Mississippi.

season four

 

Image by stokkete via Adobe Stock, #38 of 66

"Seems like we're always thinking of ourselves when looking for something that's lost, but we never think much about the lost - whatever, whoever is unable to be found. Whether it's a set of keys left somewhere and forgotten, a couple of guys wandering aimlessly in the woods or someone who has disappeared inside himself, what if that's what they wanted all along - not to be found." Mr. Robot

Today I am grateful for writers.

surrounded

 

Image by pressmaster via Adobe Stock, #42 of 66

Today I am grateful for family.

a day devoted

 

Photograph by jdoms via Adobe Stock, #34 of 66

Today I am grateful for homemade biscuits, venison sausage, fried bologna, eggs from the chickens across the road, grits topped with cheese and a quest to find the hour we lost.

interlude

 "Cool Craig, what are you afraid of?" Bobby in It's Kind of a Funny Story

Queu music.

stirring hole down turkey road

 I just said Wednesday evening that we didn't need rope 'cause we were not falling into any holes and waddayaknow. That dang girl fell off in one and we had not packed a rope. But we didn't need to because she was running on water about the same time the sound of her splash hit our ears. And he who can make every turkey and deer sound you didn't even know existed, fell out laughing so that when she hit that bank, she was crying mad.

None of us had ever fallen into that hole which has grown since our discovery. Now it has five stirs and the water is super cold but it's kinda awesome to sit around and put your feet in and yesterday will always be the day she fell into stirring hole down turkey road.

Today I am grateful for a walk down a dirt road, a ride into town and two houses to clean.

And this guy.

Fridays: purchased and installed

 Today I am grateful a hot water heater, a partly cloudy day and plenty of mud to get into. 

And music. I love you music.

abundance

 

Photograph by MarekPhotoDesign.com via Adobe Stock, #22 of 66

Today I am grateful for a visit from three little girls who sit on my countertops and eat all my apples.

Music this morning?

effect

 

Adam

Today I am grateful for people.

solution

 

Photograph by Rawpixel.com via Adobe Stock, #17 of 66

It is true that many times you find what you didn't even know you needed and once you find it you wonder how you didn't see it.

Today I am grateful to be part of a team.

employer appreciation day

 

Photograph by luckybusiness via Adobe Stock, 15 of 66

Today's post brought to you by the movie About Time and the kind people who hired me. I am grateful for a job.

two times

 

Photograph by Raland via Adobe Stock, #13 of 66

There are two times when I was satisfied with my answer when confronted with the question of who am I: section one of the Pinhoti Trail and 2:00 a.m. on the second day of the Goggins Challenge.

Today I am grateful for a beautiful night, my brother, his dog and the will to keep moving.

36 to go

 

Photograph by Jon Anders Wilken via Adobe Stock 12 of 66

The loud splash at 2:45 a.m. was most likely a beaver, but in the dark the mind races and the pace quickens. From couch to trail is less than five minutes, and my right hand going numb in the twelfth mile is more interesting than concerning.

Today I am grateful for my lungs, my heart, my legs, my feet, my eyes, and my ears. I am grateful for my shoes, my socks, my buff, my jacket, and all the preparation that went into this. 

preparation

 

Photograph by Yaruniv-Studio via Adobe Stock, no. 9 of 66

Surely there comes a point when I realize that what I thought was a destination was simply preparation.

Today I am grateful for conversations, the opportunity to clean my mama's house and time to listen.

start Monday

 

by Sergey Nivens via Adobe Stock 9 of 66

Today I am grateful for the opportunity to learn, work and pay for the comforts of my home and my life.

focus

 

Photo by David Carillet via Adobe Stock, #7 of 66

I don't want to jinx it or overthink it or be insecure or say too much or not say enough. I just want to focus on the desired outcome.

Today I am grateful for an introduction.

entropy

Photo by Kevin Carden via Adobe Stock (3 of 66)

 

Today I am grateful for a roof.

get mark, get set, wait

Photo by Anton Maltsev (licensed through my soon to be extinct Adobe Stock account - 1 of 66 assets)

 

The music is a slow rain on the first day and I know enough to know that I can ruin these moments by trying to hold onto them so when you ask me what I have planned for the day I stutter because I wasn't imagining this going away. It's a good start, I think.

Today I am grateful for a slow rain.