Get busy. Drink water. Eat what you know you're supposed to eat. Prepare your meals. Double digits. Finish 2020 strong. Marathon on Saturday.
Today I am grateful for grapes, celery, broccoli, green and yellow peppers, seared chicken thighs in a spicy vinegar sauce, Ranch, hot sauce and the opportunity for fresh air and movement.
Never have I ever, never ever stayed in a bed till 2:00 in the afternoon. Still couldn't but the way I wasted water I shouldn't admit to. Steaming hot water beating my lower back. The pain began at 4:00 a.m. By 3:00 I was ready to take my fifth warm shower to the music of the steady rain though an open door but I picked up that book and began to read again.
Today I am grateful for a book and a buddy on a rainy day.
He doesn't need my input. She looks up and to her left where her smile is met and we all share a knowing glance but you know family. She doesn't want to shoot a deer. All her friends have blood soaked faces in the pictures. She does not want that, and all I said was I understand before I was told my input was unneeded.
And oh my my, oh hey hey.
Here it comes, the will to wait.
Today I am grateful for family.
Nice playlist. Found Ray there as well.
It's the worst - a day to top all other days on giving thanks. Just the pressure alone could kill me but then you add mama's dressing, granny's turnips, turkey, ham, potato casserole with green onion, sharp cheddar cheese and bacon on top, apple cake with a brown sugar glaze found in cyberspace and them.
Today I am grateful for the crickets, the timer, the refrigerator humming. I am grateful for thick socks, furry boots, a birthday and a candle. I am grateful for a broom, a mop, a stack of old towels turned into rags and a dog who is interested in me finishing. I am grateful for big hills, a good rain and a warm shower.
I am grateful for you.
It was supposed to be 29.9 miles within 32 hours. We were not racing but we had to get back by 6:00 the next evening, and a storm was coming through and that last 24 hours before you leave is the most tempting time to give up on the whole thing.
Today I am grateful to understand there must have been a reason to not walk into the woods in the rain, set up a tent in the rain, take down a tent in the rain, climb mountains in the rain, cross creeks in the rain, lean up against a tree in the rain, never stopping some forward trudging in the rain, everything in the rain. I am grateful he made the call.
Today I am grateful for clean sheets and a warm bath, a roof over my head, an appointment to get my hair cut and the promise of lunch with a friend.
It is evident that I should suffer the consequences of the Eric Clapton concert in Memphis, the one in which the guy had given me one more chance to not fall asleep. We were on a double date with his roommate and that guy's lady and I didn't really know the people but I knew that they knew about me because I was introduced as you know, the girl that goes to sleep. This concert was my last chance, he explained to both them and me.
I don't remember what number chance it was, but I do know it was the last, and I do remember holding a flag for single momdom when work was two jobs, 7 days, 64 hours plus if they'd allow it. It was my baby's nana who I was really dating.
And as hard as I tried and I did try but Eric on acoustic singing blues is Eric singing me to sleep until the wind caused by that guy jumping and then taking those steps as if he was leaving me in the middle of a city. I looked at his roommate's date who looked at me as if they were in a two-seater before I started chasing that guy up and out and I don't know what he paid for him and me to see very little Eric perform on the acoustics, but we didn't and he didn't hit me. He did end up driving me home and never, ever calling me again.
The fairy tale ending came twenty-something years later when you and me didn't even need to leave our comfy seats.
Tonight I am grateful to learn that chicory is a root in the dandelion family, to know a dog who had a hard week and that guy with the ukulele.
Getting close means finding opportunities to really feel what Inky Johnson meant when he said, "Don't waste the experiences."
Today I am grateful for vulnerability and trust and grace and faith.
It's very close to three decades since the drive, the push, the realization that what the science books say and the transformation which had taken place did indeed mean a human creates another human or another human is created within a human and it's just getting awkward now because that day, that kid - is the source of all gratitude after it, him.
Today I am grateful for the day I first got to see him, got to know he was a him, got to not even understand but be good with never fully understanding anything except for hoping and working and trying and being the most grateful I can.
It was a beat up Canon L Series 70-200mm 2.8. That's when the day went from almost had it to ohmy yes.
Today I am grateful for a lens.
Of course I did.
What did you expect?
It was over 24 hours.
I am going to be cool.
One day.
Today I am grateful to remember what to do when I fail, and I admit that I've been slacking.
On repeat.
He made the most romantic comedy
Matthew McConaughey entrance
after I had done so good
not calling
because they told me I couldn't.
"Who told you?" He asked.
Then smiled when I answered.
Today I am grateful that he allows me to try, a nap, that smile and those curls.
Thank you.
I think maybe one day in Red Rocks we'll see them.
Today I am grateful for an early start.
Tuna packs, salmon packs, chicken. Celery, broccoli, red, green, yellow and if you can find an orange pepper - there's nothing better crisp. That you'll just carry around to different people's refrigerators because they allow you access to their refrigerator, their home, the dog they house and feed for you because at least some part of life needs you to get out of your own space but what do you take?
Sleeping pad, sleeping bag, ziplock bags (2/ea 1 gallon, 3/ea quart), tent, poles, base layers (2), second layer (1), hoodie (1), coat, buff, socks, gloves, pack, baby wipes, toothpaste, mouthwash, shoes.
Check the weather.
Today I am grateful for a size 10 wide Oboz B Dry care for my feet. Not made in America but designed in the mind of a genius.
"Count your blessings, child."
Today I am grateful for huge windows, a high ceiling, the clock that reaches it, a chair which rolls, a desk, a calendar, pens, more post it notes, a book, three meetings and a win.
Because everyone needs a jumping contest in the kitchen.
One where he claims he can put his head through the ceiling
then the dancing begins, and
yeah, it is a party every night over there.
He tweeted a fact when he mentioned the young actress in the chess show Netflix thing.
I know a kid who has that stare.
Today I am grateful
for him
and her
and them,
and life is full of so many beautiful people.
Not casual reading.
Today I am grateful for an assignment similar to that hill and now I know what I would do differently. First and foremost, I accept many powers greater than my own and no amount of complaining is going to change things.
So, yes. I complained, but I'm doing it.
What did she call it? Unexhausted need?
Pulling out a Lumineer's concert midweek.
Then,
I am grateful for how quickly my body heals and the new shoes on their way to me and my feet.
Right. Conversation. Let's do it. That was the loveliest musical representation of her writing that I've ever heard, but then I just did see her work for the first time yesterday. And I thought of you and the nature of beginning and how no matter what is happening anywhere else on earth, today we get to serve.
Those trees, yes. That mountain, those last two miles. I suck as a human.
Today I am grateful for my right toe which has admittedly taken some neglect, a definite struggle which dares to show me who I am, and time to understand the jerk I can be.
At the risk of repeating the same song.
I'll hand you this. Later maybe you'll read what she wrote and smile. I hope so.
Today I am grateful for bananas and grammies and pops and ice-cream and we forgot the cinnamon but not much else. I am grateful for breakfast and a day of rest.
It is not on purpose but should be - the running out of the coffee. I think I understand now why I am perpetually exhausted and feeling some recent swelling of all tissues throughout the body. If I don't train, I don't hardly move. Plus, a fat boy from Bubba's, and I yeah, I just typed that. Ribeye, shrimp and cheese on that next level bread with that crust and the center - the whole thing and the fries but I did not drink sweet tea.
Today I am grateful for motivation, the way my yard looks, the most beautiful weather and the promise of the best ever banana milkshake this afternoon.
I hope you had a good time last night. I'm taking you to a Prince concert this morning/aka warmup music. Then we'll travel into some explicit Lizzo on the tiny desk. It's like my old jewish doctor boyfriend used to say, "Right on. Enjoy."
If you're talking off the grid, I think you gotta think, "How many pairs of pants do I need?" That, of course, is followed by, "How big does my shelter have to be? How often will I need to resupply? What type of protection is needed? What in the world am I thinking?"
Today I am grateful for much more than I need.
It's Friday. Concert? Where will you take me?
It just feels so tired - this season, this time in our lives. And yes, the complaining. It's like I tell people who back away, "Just imagine. I have me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You get to walk away."
They laugh.
But I'm serious.
Today I am grateful for a creator studio, for another's perspective on a build, good looking broccoli, celery washed and cut, green peppers, red peppers, grapes, both black and red, chicken thighs, limes, cucumbers, lemons and an embarrassing bowl of homemade Ranch.
The marathon is virtual this year. You can do it on another day, but yeah - December 5th, the phone (if I use the phone) will start the race at 7:00 a.m. and a 26.2 mile course that we have to find and plan and what about water and inclines and health and I wouldn't be running it but I think I can do it within 9 hours and of course I'm okay with not winning. I've already seen what those other people are doing. Sure, there is this next step, next level attempt at doing my personal best so that I can always say, "Yeah, back in the day when I did that marathon."
But really, if you've ever lived near Memphis, TN and near loved a child, then you would think that why don't I focus on survival rates and people who go into work every day with the purpose of "Finding cures. Saving children." The least I could do is walk.
Today I am grateful for purpose.
Thick warm socks clean from the dryer, the moon and the stars in a cold sky, an early morning with Alicia, the first appointment, the possibility that mama's right, and you - I am grateful though sometimes I can't even tell.
I am grateful for forgiveness.
I can't call a boy, mama says. It is unladylike. He's better than that. He has to do this on his time.
It's like training a dog, my brother says.
He is possibly training me to wait on him, which I will.
Because I am grateful for what I got. My brother's family won the extra pie. They provided the eggs with a note inside, and my kid survived a massive storm so yeah. That was a nice day.
I don't know how to be cool. Making someone a pie is not cool. I'm thinking about making two pies today and offering one to him but he's probably not going to take it and then I'd just be stuck with a pie. Treat, trick - who knows. We're all just doing the best we can, maybe. But full moon, definitely.
Written earlier after listening to music in comment section of previous post:
But sometimes can you get what you need? I need today with him and I need to do this right and I was thinking about offering him a pie and I didn't even remember Halloween so yeah, thank you for the music. It was beautiful. I danced around the room to it. And I do want him to come over, but do I. What if everything changed? What if we loved what we had and we were always trying to get back in some type of what is home question but what if he can answer that. The problem would have to be that I'm having to ask the question when the answer is existing and being loved all around me.
Today I am grateful for a day to finish an article for a supremely patient person, to enjoy a conversation with my kid, to hike, to share biscuits and venison and eggs and grits and cheese and butter and whole milk with family and maybe, just maybe, share a pie with him. We'll see but I would be cool if he wasn't into lemon pies. I'd get what I needed but maybe not what I wanted.
It's just nice to want, maybe.
