response

You remind me of how much I need a fire barrel.

Today I am grateful to feel the need.

(Thank you for the music.)

ride share

Hello.
We're going to Sipsey.
Yes.
Need a ride?
Yes.
You gonna sing?
Can you stand it?
I need it.
You got it.


Today I am grateful to share some rides.

travel

It's about the kids, the life without him.
And just like that there's a whole week planned.
Como first.
Then Sipsey.
Perdido to follow.


Today I am grateful for a clean car with good tires, gas money, and the ability to plan what I will eat.
I already want to see the photos.

photographing Como

Como Courtyard

"We've got a lot of catching up to do. When are you coming to Como?"



Today I am grateful for a question.

The nine year old girl did her reading project on The Value of Believing in Yourself

I found $5 in my house in a bowl of receipts that I put on my desk in order to clean and organize but walked and worked around it for a day as if it was a chore coming and Sunday was rest. So, yesterday I cleaned off my desk as a present to myself.


Your desk is clean! Happy Birthday! My promise to you is that by age 51 the desktop to your laptop will be cleaned/organized or maybe, maybe on your birthday weekend.


Today I am grateful for the wood, the iron legs, the drawers. I am grateful for this year's stack of books and that little girl's reading project. I am grateful to go and see the doctor. I am grateful for a cup of coffee and four days of blood pressure checks which lead me to know I can do this.

gift of people

She is in her new house turning it into her first home, and her mama is there with her, along with everyone else. I see her through the window as I am tiptoeing up and she spots me. She points, smiles, and I start laughing.



Today I am grateful for the gift of seeing them, for seeing her and him and them in their first home. I am grateful for the talk of a room.

response

I can no longer comment in my comment section because all of my gmails: work, life, company, why is that even there have formed together to parent me. I guess. I don't know. My kid could probably figure it out.

Hey! My kid could figure it out. Put it on the list.

Anyway, until then I have to respond to your comment and the video shot by Aisha Tyler. Nice. A perfect ending to a perfectly nice day with a five mile hike resulting in a lovely nap which lasted until the ache in those muscles right below the gluteus maximus at the top of the back of my leg woke me. It does feel good to feel muscles and bones again. I forgot what that was like. Thank you for the music. It made the day just that much nicer.


Lifestyle change update. I'm not going to cheat other than, you know, ranch dressing, hot sauce, mayonnaise, Country Bob's, and A1. It's like that Leon Bridges song. That burger would be excellent, I'm sure, but I'm feeling really good these days and there is a seafood linguine created by a man under a bridge along an intercostal waterway that kinda feels like he knows what's best for me who makes me hold out for more.

No birthday Bubba's bacon cheeseburger. I'm going to hold out what I've been doing the last 59 days for another three weeks.


I am grateful for your comment.

claiming it

Let's go ahead and say that you have all day to relax, not leave your cave other than a walk at a leisure pace, edit photos from yesterday, take at least three warm showers, and light two candles.


Today I am grateful to have myself as a boss for a day.

dancing around a fire on a Friday night

He writes of a fire barrel, some headphones. He just needed some time alone and I doubt I'd let him. I hope I'd want to be out there with him but then he'd probably have to go somewhere else.

"You're overthinking it," he says.

"Oh yeah, we've met."


Today I am grateful for his music.

email

When a man writes in a manner which allows for a voice that shows an energy you want to share with  others, you do so.


Today I am grateful to share what he is doing and how he writes an email.

projects

Projects run out into the world, circle, and return. Sometimes the timing seems perfect.


Today I am grateful for two video projects including a chance to work with teachers, production experts, and a videographer all the way out there in Virginia.

the kid you talk to

"I hate people. I can do anything, be anything, play anything, but I don't. You know why?" he asks.

"Why?"

"I hate people," he says with a smile.


Today I am grateful for a boy who smiles the it'd be nice if someone slowed down and talked to me for a minute grin.

ticker

Today is the day somebody's used heart is placed in his chest.


I am grateful that he gets a used heart today. I am grateful that he will get to sous vide, hike, camp, take deep long inhales, and be grateful.

trail note

Hiking into a week of planning, happening, urging, wanting, pushing, pulling, stretching, controlling, letting go, struggling, and laughing while knowing you'll be seeing friends, talking to kids, getting a few hugs and giving some, has gotta be what they call hope.


Today I am grateful for hope.

stream of consciousness list

Dates have been set. Contracts drawn. Must consider clothing, water, shelter, temperature, how wet and slippery it is. Your shoes are good.


Today I am grateful and nervous and excited and looking forward to some time in the woods.

pretty day

Today I am grateful to open up my eyes and see light. I am grateful for plenty to do and for people who are so kind as to be overly patient with me. I am grateful for a roof over my head and sunshine coming through my windows.

time is property and who owns what

Today I am grateful for a person, for people, for showing up early, for going to bed late.
I am grateful for a hill, for groceries, for games.
I am grateful for that one guy who asks, "We're going to work on time management, you in?"

how you see yourself

Today I am grateful for a full night's sleep, a slow morning, a warm shower, and the potential of an evening.

hodgepodge

Today I am grateful for two pieces of sous vide chicken, an almost empty gallon bag of mixed vegetables, the last of the chili beans, two squash, half a lemon, four limes, great northern beans cooking, tuna, salmon, and water. I am grateful for a kid who just smiles and jumps up and down over and over again even through her sister's near death experience of slamming her finger in a drawer sent the rest of the room reeling. I am grateful for the quiet.

ever so slightest - follow the list

He is kind and when I hear his voice on the phone I know he is smiling. It's contagious and results in the ever so slightest muscle relaxation. I always loved a man who tensed me, who made me hesitate and take the ever so slightest breath. It's nice to pause for a second.



Today I am grateful that he is near.





(if you are 50 years old you have to be careful about losing weight and being healthier and feeling even the ever so slightest sexy. you have to remember where you've been, what you've done. you don't want to hurt anyone or be hurt and in love it's guaranteed more than ever so slightly. pain is involved.)




1. Control your breathing, he said.

2. Sleep.

3. 96 ounces of water per day.

4. Don't weigh.

5. Push yourself to the edge of breath for 20 minutes.

6. Climb and feel your legs burn. Later slowly stretch into that burn. Hold that muscle. Love it.

7. Protein is breakfast. Have dinner then. Black bean chicken chili with jalapeños and tomatoes.

8. Slice 2 limes. Give them to friends.

9. Dial his number but don't send. Give him space to live.

getting dirty

It is odd to hike without him. He always takes the lead, and I lazily follow along. I treat it as a vacation, he does so as a mission.

Today I am grateful for fresh air, for stretching more than for the sake of stretching, sliding in mud on my butt, for a car ride, for kind strangers and mean little boys and a group of some of the sweetest people I could share a getting dirty experience with.

playing with my food

Today I am grateful for guacamole weekend.

last meal

Como Steakhouse

A girl can dream.


Today I am grateful for broccoli, red peppers, green peppers, celery, and chicken whose breasts were much less than what that little circle of happiness costs.

stung by a wasp this morning (too warm for February)

Today I am grateful for the people who pick up the trees, the ones who restore our electricity, for breakfast, and plenty of work.

a kid and a walk

"Is it gonna rain today?"

She stops, looks up then back at me before she says with how do you not know this confidence, "No."

"But look," we both stop. "Look at all the clouds. Look at how grey they are. The sky is not blue at all. Look at that flag waving in the wind. Feel that wind. Smell the air. Surely there's a rain coming."

"Otay."



Today I am grateful for a kid and a walk.

beneath

Today I am grateful for an opportunity to share, to hang out, to take photos, to edit and judge them relentlessly, for blueberries, blackberries, and cherries, to feel my muscles, bones, and joints, to stretch and bend.

She says, "You look"






"What?"


"I don't know the word."


"I'm going to pretend it's a positive one."


"Vibrant. You look more vibrant."


Today I am also grateful for her.

relapse: hiding and eating: rib inspired

Two ribs devoured in such a manner that I was off in a room separate from the family. I've been so good, said no to myself for what 40 days? It was just more than I could stand. Even made and took this really great fresh guacamole with avocado, purple onion, tomatoes, lemon, garlic, jalapeños, turmeric, pepper, and yes, a little salt.

Gotta do the hill this morning.


I told her that I was taking it to him, and I did walk into his house and break open that aluminum foil, but when he asked, "What's that?" I said, "Ribs. We'll share them. Pick the one you want."

"I just had a burger."

"Okay. But I'm willing to share. Do you have barbecue sauce?"

"You can't have barbecue sauce. What are you doing?"

"I'm getting a bowl for the barbecue sauce."

"How much barbecue sauce are you going to eat?"

"I'm going to dip my rib in it. You know."



Today I am grateful for a party and the woman who serves like no other, those dang ribs,  just exquisite. We'll call them once a year ribs and it'll be like a Super Bowl thing and it'll be okay because we know that the day after calls for room temperature water. 96 ounces.

caption a photo (aka stall the morning duties or pretend it's not your last day here)

 

"Put your feet on the planet for a minute." Yo Gotti

Hokies & 49ers

Two men both wearing baseball caps walk toward me on the opposite side of the pavement. The weather allows the privacy of those serious about the prospect of walking for what one lady has already described with exclamation points, "Invigorating."

"Yes," I smiled the same goofy, happy to be alive grin that these two guys are getting but to them I say, "Roll tide."

The one with the familiar A on his cap has brightened up like that a million times before he does it for me and then side eyes his friend who slows his pace to put his hands at his waste as if he doesn't know what I'm talking about.

I saved it for you is what I wanted to say but instead I hope to make his day with, "Go, Hokies," because of that V and that T on his head.

And there it is, the smile of a Hokie.

"Okay. But who you going for tonight? Kansas City?'

I laugh, "No. No way."

"Awe now."

"Nope. Went to the same high school as a 49er."

"There's thousands of those. What about the Kansas City quarterback?"

"Nope. 49ers."

Today I am also grateful for a football game.

Dear Government,

Good hires. You spoil me.


Sincerely,
Taxpayer



Today I am grateful for kind faces who tell me fascinating stories from lovely places, for one last walk after I put the sheets in the wash, and the patience of those who allowed me this sweet break.

yes woman

The newest whatever by Dave Ramsey could possibly not include getting a haircut 3.5 hours from where I live. But if I make the appointment six weeks in advance (I didn't), budget for it (not yet), spend no money on housing, stick with the grocery shopping in a world of beautiful produce, use 8 hours as working sessions, take warm baths, and drink a cup of coffee (with no sugar but cream) - this could be part of my life.



It is, and I am grateful for it.