skinless, boneless chicken thighs

 I got all five packs, and once a week I get to coach my U-8 travel cross country team. Yesterday they stole all my stuff and left me. 

The TikTok thing is I don't want to add anything else to my life. No other platform to dive from into a screen. I remember the sun and laughing. I fear how much time I spend on the internet. I force people to go hiking with me.

Today I am grateful for a payday, a trail, a birthday, conversation and groceries.

Also began Mr. Robot yesterday. 

"Shit it's actually happening. I'm talking to an imaginary person," he says. 

I'm only on season one, episode one.

at the end of the internet

 The pressure is on. You need some sunshine and I have to write worthy of a young woman who shines. We got this or we don't but we did need to get to the end of the internet because that's where the swept porch is. Good morning, you. 

I am grateful for coffee, Saturday, help, a phone call and some outside.

Music?

dang memories

Today I am grateful for you. 

It's Friday.

vice versa

 You don't have to win every fight, you say. Every fight, I think. I just want it to be a good struggle where we love and respect each other. I haven't always been the best at that and I know I can do better.

1. Make the coffee.

2. Brush my teeth.

3. Listerine.

Today I am grateful to have your ear and to gratefully listen when you and you speak. 

job

I just realized something. The moment in a basketball game that are all the moments in a basketball game are in this piece. Best I could describe it in music.

Then nothing. 

We all exit the building.

I wonder if there's a career in going to basketball games and reporting scores into the ether. Good gosh, I'll take it. I am so very incredibly, ohemghee grateful for a job and two teams who play like how in the world do you describe that?

I am grateful for their intensity, their focus and their willingness to show us.

rain with a side of rolling thunder

You give a man a gift of his words in your handwriting staring back at him. I take a picture. It is more and more becoming a strange ritual as if I want to put the camera down and not use it in some type of religious fast. Don't I have enough to last me the next twenty-four hours? How 'bout I just spectate? Say less.

So many words, video, eleven hours of audio, an entire day spent, weeks, a month, forever doing a whole lot of complaining is what it sounds like. I get tired and ill and my back hurts like I'm eighty and I wake up and make the coffee at 12:30 and then I listen as the water hits the tin and the thunder rolls in. 

And I tell myself, "Be grateful."

I am.

thank you

 I am grateful for books which make us sit at a table and talk with each other. I am grateful for the opportunity to deliver that pie. I am grateful for the breakfast she cooked. Today I am grateful for your eyes, your words and your music. 

the coffee pot

lemons to absurdity

I'm still saying my best investment has to be agriculture and nutrition and education and getting outdoors and then returning home to make a pie to say thank you to that guy, that man. Instant gratification, I think. My six bucks, two of them in quarters, is going on the lemons.

Did I just try to make an argument against the lottery by using agriculture, nutrition, education and getting outdoors? Why? I think I just like it when you type but I don't want to fight so why would I do that? Good luck, you. I hope you win a zillion but I also hope even with all that money you come back here because I would miss you if you left.

backpacks and breakdowns

 No beer here, in response. We're climbing trees and crossing creeks and spending all of our money at the store with the lemon pie ingredients. Lemon pie tastes better if you dance while making it, I think.

Today I am grateful for the sun, the creek, getting lost, finding our way and sharing our stories.

stretch, hike, sweep - fitness program whatever number this is

 I like to wake up to one of your concerts, in response. I also like that I didn't have to make time yesterday to travel to Red Rocks or that cavern, but yes. I like that you returned because it feels like a gift. Today I am grateful for a tour, kids, wins and a place to get horizontal. That was like a backpacking sleep. Time to get up. Drink plenty of water.

match

 Today I am grateful to invite myself to lunch, to sit with people who make me giggle, a high five and a fist bump. I am grateful for a phone call, a visit and to sit at his table.

bad, in response

 It's as if somehow I've become accustomed to acts of desperation in which I begin to label all of them as such until there's a water leak and I realize how the last act was not near as desperate this.

Thanks for the conversation. Off to pay the bills.

the 15 bucks, in response

 $6 here, two of them in quarters.

no match

 No Powerball, no powerplay, no Mississippi megamillions - I get to go to work today.

Today I am grateful for thinking that maybe we'd share an island, a beach and a kitchen while I am also grateful for a good night's sleep and coffee in the cabinet.

grand

Today I am grateful for customer service, a guy who lends me his cable, grapes, almonds and an apple. I am grateful for a book, an idea and a shared interest. I am grateful for daylight and sunshine and breathing in fresh air.

Moon Hollow Farm

an honor

 It takes over and three more shots and it has nothing to do with if the focus was spot on or the light was where it needed to be - it is the look that if for just one moment she provided me to give to her daughter on her left in the picture.

Today I am grateful for opportunity.

heddy's spa

 

Today I am grateful for space and air and dogs and walks and opportunity to spend time with friends.

Saturday morning slow

 It has to begin today. No more excuses. No more people. You can do this, this one thing for yourself, and you don't need anyone's help. But wait Avi Loeb, and I found a Carlin this week.

Today I am grateful for time and a drive and a slow morning light.

better together

 Today I am grateful for cooperation, teamwork - kids teaching, coaches coaching, fresh air, and sunshine.

Jack is singing tonight.

good one, in response

 I try to imagine what I believe to be true - if you can believe me. I've moved on from that year that I listened to The Black Keys over and over until Leonard Cohen came and put me in a meditative state. Prince was/is/forever will be - finish that sentence. Music has helped me understand I'm never one of anything but I think I'm true to the moment. The Fleet Foxes posed an excellent question in such an exquisite manner.

"Just a small town girl living in a lonely world." You know. Dang Journey.

In that moment I wanted us to hang behind a boat and be dragged in the ocean like Jeff. You can believe that.

Going to bed now. Thank you for the music and the words.

deal, in response

 Only if you promise that one day we'll get to swim in the ocean. Yeah?

you and your music, in response

 After that played, this did.

Thank you.

note to self on nap Wednesday

 You should never race home. Do not drive over the speed limit in order to lay on your couch. It just feels wrong, but I couldn't stop yawning because I haven't been exercising enough and yeah, 

Stop driving like a crazed maniac, you. You'll get there soon enough. And yes, on the exercise. Get with it.

Today I am grateful for a couch, a thick blanket, a good pillow and a promise to myself to get up off the couch and be a better person tomorrow. I am grateful for my daddy, for a meeting, for a list and for my 5th grade teacher in a place you'd think she'd be.

series on wood project

 

"Did you miss me?" I yell so you can catch a whisper.

You nod.

Today I am grateful for your answer.

time and consideration

 It only took four Mad About You episodes and a two hour nap to realize that decorating for him was really just decorating for me. I have long since found out that I'm not near as smart, funny or cute as I once thought a man would think and I'm surprisingly okay with that though he was fun while he lasted. 

Today I am grateful for shiny floors, clean sheets, candles, coffee, plans and music.

hallelujah visits for the faithful

 We have minimized responses. I simply type, I need you, and time is made for me by a guy who is kind and dependable and a good daddy who cares about his children and well, I like creating a space for him. I like to watch him enter a room. And that's why I say his first and last name when he does.

Today I am grateful for that word that in those moments seems to contain everything. Physics, I'm saying. Chemistry, definitely.

one hundred smiley face for curious

 She is loving learning. We are dancing around the room when she gets it right. Music is playing. We take a break to hike a creek with our baby sister. One hundred smiley faces for everyone. There is so, so, so, so very much more to letters and numbers and reading and comprehension and at least part of the fun has to be getting there, but three and a half hours was not long enough. So yeah. One hundred smiley faces for everyone.

Today I am grateful for play - for an opened bag of noodles, glue, tape, markers, and the first three letters of the alphabet and I am also grateful for people around me who know more and use that to do more and are willing to give time and consideration to how we play. I am grateful for school.

Last night the greatest puzzle solvers ever put together a huge floor puzzle of the solar system.

She asked, "Where are we?"

That's when I pointed to the biggest planet in the picture. I call it earth looks to be the center of the universe.

"Where are the other people?"

I fumbled with that one but was glad she asked. 

research the world is crumbling

 Today is not a day off. There is no such thing as a day off. Every day my heart has to work. My heart, my eyes and my brain will research reading and comprehension and phonics, and short term memory has decreased because of screen time.

I am grateful for a walk with Crash, some time with the little women, and how amazing it is to have friends who are scientists. She sends me here and here.

write

Today I am grateful for letters on a keyboard and the potential of our plans. I am so grateful for brilliant people who coordinate and lead and coach and how writing allows me onto their courts and into their fields. Work, me, work. Get better at this.

don't look now but you're surrounded by a bunch of little women

Your grammie showed your sisters and cousins how to throw a party. You know. She throws you one every year and there's Josh's favorite but you love it too like the rest of us. So, it's okay that it's your uncle's favorite. It's your birthday. This is your 18th. Well, next week but we had to throw it last night because we have you and it was the only night we could all be there together. Except...

Where in the world of that photo of faces is your sister? Where was she when we took the picture?

It's a mystery.

Today I am grateful for the connection you give us, for that one photo and how the video will need to remain in the vault of never sing again, aunt me. I am grateful for what you teach us and how that baby sister of yours wants to take you when she goes. I am grateful for the opportunity to watch you and pop fight and swim and how you love them and us and how we love you and them.

symptoms of madness - ray lamontagne

 The bus went down, and pictures were taken. It was a long night, but one of those rare evenings when everyone won. Ohemghee. Then I took a personal loss of 3 Krystal chicks, 1 large sized box of tots and a 32 ounce iced Dr. Pepper through a straw on a dark bus in hiding. As bad as it sounds. 

Today I am grateful for wins - for moms and kids and coaches and a night.

breathe

I can walk and work which is a great benefit but it also let's me get away with doing less cardio, which our lungs need unless maybe your smog is too thick, and then well, why would you be reading this? 

Today I am grateful for good shoes and a warm jacket and the air around me.

encourage

 There must be a distinct difference today.

I will certainly be grateful for all those voices who continue to advise and debate, but according to Jon Gordon, I had to choose a word. I've been studying on it for the last three weeks. At first I thought it was courage because I sensed so much fear and of course I did - there's a lot to fear.  I don't know. I kind of don't want to play around with that word anymore. Courage seems so 2020."

Then she said, "In 2021, I am taking contentment."

And I thought, "That was a good one. I'd like that as well. How ethical is it to steal a word?"

Today I am grateful for a word. Now I just have to live a life of encouragement.

story as gift

Today I am grateful for story.

ending up at Grammie's

It's heartbreaking for her because her sister, who she does everything with, has just run off with their cousin. It's when I point and say, "Look at that." 

"What?" Her whine is a short sharp cry. She stomps at least one good stomp. No sticks in her hands because she would throw them.

"See. The earth looks like a bowl there. You have to climb that dirt mountain."

Next time we'll take the map when they ask us to, baby wipes, a change of clothes to leave in the car,  a bag for the muddy clothes, towels for the inside of the car and those people. 

Today I am grateful for her home, her table, her dishes, her food - the way she does that for us.

first cup of coffee, the day after only two snickerdoodles remain

Day one. I'm using the children to eat. Not as bad as it may sound. It's just they're here and aren't you supposed to feed kids warm cookies and cold milk. I'm eating the good stuff and the bad stuff. I'm eating everything. I'm going to stop the madness today.

Now.

Oh wait. After lunch.

"We told you that we didn't want snickerdoodles."

"Okay. I'll take those. You just eat the chocolate chip."

Today I am grateful for chess, cookies, bracelets, a puzzle, trips to the store, a movie they already saw, cherries, grapes, Bubba's loaded baked potato, black eyed peas, cornbread, cabbage and pork.

I have to focus on health again. Things have gotten out of hand around here.