Friday, January 30, 2015

funny. but true.

My favorite kind of funny. This is laughing with friends.

we'll keep this one here

My friend wrote or posted or said or shared or it doesn't matter anymore.

I know what I bring to the table.
So trust me when I say I'm not afraid to eat alone.

I don't reply other than to say here in this very private space, Stop it.


I have forty thousand photos, over actually (it's ridiculous). My friend Willie would understand, and he would also understand when I tell you.

Not in one of those over forty thousand test slides was a human ever truly alone.

A motto of Joann Kelly Carney Day. 
"You are never alone."

That little voice in the back of my head just whispered and laughed, 
"Oh yeah. Books are your friends."

Then I think, Alright. I'm okay with that.

today's notes, edits

What is the other photo you would have used?
(and I still go back to that one and say that was the best one. The looks on their faces.)

She is inquisitive and curious.
His Mama is a teacher.
Both his parents do so much in the school.
Her? She is the girl whose granddaddy was the principal of the high school.
Long, blonde hair. She is hilarious.
I know everything I know because of that girl.

What they are showing you is a program. What I tell them because I have become a poser is:

Step one: "We're telling a story with this one shot."

Step two: "This is what I see. I see two hand models. Lots of light. Mrs. Carpenter gets to pick."

Step three: "Mrs. Carpenter says two names. Hand models."

Step four: "The rest? You are in the back because you are going to be blurred.

                  One kid actually says, "I'm going to be blurry."
                 (that was funny)
                  but true.

The program is kids creating benches.
And today was/is Joann Kelly Carney Day if you didn't hear.

The photo at the top of this page is a symbol to Joann Kelly Carney's work.
So is an upcoming photo, but that will be next week.

Today I am grateful for people who don't throw just one thing away. They collect plastic bottle caps and donate them to the school. They volunteer one small portion of their trash, but boy, does that add up? These kids have a shed with a lock and so many 50 gallon plastic garbage bags that you have to figure they are going to make many, many benches.

(the world is beautiful crazy)

Thursday, January 29, 2015

notes of our meeting

What I want her to say is Yes, I am. Is there anything you want? To everyone. One big announcement.

I am going to this.
Just let me know if you need me to pick up anything.

People shop online. She takes their orders and puts a little markup on it to cover for gas and organization and

but I just need to keep my mouth shut 'cause I'll just talk and talk and talk.

It's why I write.

In other news there is the Prayer Master, my nickname for him.

This guy.

And these people.

1. His name is I can say a prayer which will make an entire room respond to the question, "And all the people said?"


And I say Amen out loud along with everyone else in that line and most of the kids and all of the parents in the room.

And he quotes Robert Frost and the road less travelled and the road most and what his road looked like and what it paid and family. He shows these kids where his road led and who led him.

And all the people said?


2. His name is I understand you, I was you but here is who you can be right now. And it's good, kids. It's good. You've got something to look forward to because I was like you but someone bent down and said, "Hey, you. You want to fight? Come over here to the Boys and Girls Club and you can fight my kid. They were the same size though he thought he was Godzilla. By round three he had learned a valuable lesson. It was respect authority.

3. Her? She is one of the strongest (and I know some strong), creative (I know those, too) and intelligent (oh yeah) people I know. I am soon to tell you why but it won't be completely, I'm sure.

4. That guy is a judge who consults nationally and drives nicely and wears beautiful but what he says is, "I made opportunity. I was there doing two jobs at once. Now my names are many, and my life is plenty. You can do it too. Is this what you want? Getting a high school degree is the first step."

5. Him? When he was a young man his day started at 4:30am. His family had cattle and he had a job to do before he got to school. He says, and we can quote him on this one, "Excuses are reasons for people who don't want it bad enough." 

6. The Doctor is in the house. It's great to listen to the kids because when you do they'll let you know the Doctor is doing a fine job. The kids who slouch in their chairs and roll their eyes and giggle they don't like him 'cause he is in their business every day. One said, "Oh yeah. I want to fight him."

"You do?"

"Oh yeah."

"Why would you want to fight him?"

"Because he's all up in my business."



"He's a pretty big guy. You really think you could take him?"

And now tonight I regret not continuing with the best thing I could have said to you.

Oh please. Stop it. That guy is here to help you. Why would you hurt someone who wants to help you? These people came as a witness to living a life they say would be great for you and if they can do it you can do it. They are telling you that with their lives, their day to day walk. Where they have been, how they got here and here is good. They are happy.

7. This guy is in the Guiness Book of World Records in youngest, beaming, as I heard in a recent meeting, "You've got smoke coming out of your ears, Mr. James." Brainpower of forming and building and gathering people and planes and it sounds like the guy is creating a circus. I can't wait. I told him if he doesn't call me he'll be on my bad list. He says he understands. Said it today. Someone write that down. Oh, I just did.

8. The guy who is not in the picture is named Spoken Word Poetry, aka Police Your Own Zone. He is a felon and he is raw and an entrepreneur and the food we just ate he provided that and he made it because he cares and that was worth $500. Because he is a felon he can only protect his family by hovering over them. He can't vote. In order to provide for his family he has to build it from scratch. He wants you to know that you don't want to lead a life doing something for which you could go to prison. He can tell you right now that life is about education and you better learn to read and you better learn to write and math, you better learn that even if you're a drug dealer. If you don't know that. You're dead. 

(I'm sure he would've been in the group picture but that man had to get back to work. Business ownership is working. Life is a hustle. Be ready to work and you can make some money. There is no such thing as lazy in that guy's world.)

There were several other people in the room. People who spooned and monitored and poured. Events like this happen because community is involved. This is a mentor program. Anyone can raise their hand and say I would like to talk. All of the people pictured and not raised their hands and said I want to get involved. 

I want to spend more time with this subject. Volunteering and community service and grandparents and people who read every week or once a month to a group of students. I think our local numbers are most likely off the charts in terms of how many hours of volunteer work happens in a place so beautiful.

Someone said today, It's not going to be alright.

And I do completely understand your concern. I do. I get it. We're all doomed. Okay, but in survivalist notes of the doomed say, "You don't have to skydive but just live as if it would be okay if you died tomorrow. At least I always had today and I never knew if I would get another chance to make another choice tomorrow, but what I found out somewhere somehow was that it helped me to relax and not worry. I saw that worry helped nobody and it got in the way of me appreciating today. Tomorrow I may get a chance to walk into the weekend. Prayer? I swear I have seen that work. And work. Yes, definitely work because work teaches me to follow a path. "

Today I am grateful for an invitation to a meeting and a guy who was willing to punch me in the arm. And for community and a school and you realize how much effort is being circulated in this world.

wrote a greeting card, check

We're approaching Valentine's Day 2015.
My greeting card would say,

ohgoodgosh. We're still here.
How did that happen?

On the front of the card would be a computer or a phone or a picture of Billy Sue.

Then you'd open it up.

Total white blank space with center of card in this exact font and format but all lowercase and in parenthesis.

(whatever that is, let's keep doing it.
don't ever go a' changing you.)

and I would sign the center as


hope this would do for your card. I think this is me buying it.

habit here.

My disease is talking to me.
You seriously need to smoke
but not so harsh.

It's saying,

"Just stop by the store. Just smoke on the porch. It could be like an event. Just stop by the store. Just have one in the morning. Just one a day."

"Just stop by the store. You'll figure it out."

(not as constant. it is getting better. but I still have reminders everywhere. I have to clean that up.)

"If you had stopped by the store today you could have a cigarette right now. You usually smoke when you write. What if quitting smoking takes away the writing. Oh yeah, you could lose your ability to work without those things. You can't stop."

somebody has a plan tomorrow afternoon.

Right now I am replying,

"Nice move, Chessmaster 3000. Not working. Though you are so tempting. I swear. You are there on every level, my usedtobe habit. But

you have to go walk just tonight. You don't have to do it tomorrow.
Just tonight. Go. And water. Remember you're drinking your water too.
And those carrots. You should be proud of yourself. Celery too.
You still have that little yellow lighter you carry around as some sort of crutch. I get it.
Someday you may stop picking up and squeezing that lighter.
You're going to have to put that lighter in a place. Just leave it on the table.
Light the candle with it at night. Tomorrow maybe.

Good work, chic. You're not a smoker anymore. Stop identifying with that. It's insane, and you're not that crazy. Today anyway. (okay you are a little crazy but that's okay because everyone is. we all have some of that. feel loved and welcomed. stop fighting monsters in your head but just the ones who tell you to smoke, make friends with the ones who are there to walk.

Thank you, Cathy. I will be better next time. hopefully)

Tonight I am writing that life is math. Addition and subtraction. It's the coldest hardest truth, but it's honest and I need to be better at being addition rather than subtraction. Maybe one day I will be better at handling subtraction but total drama queen. Yesterday was good other than a slight emergency but nobody was injured so there's that.

And well.
I have gratitude.

Today I am grateful for the ability and the time to contemplate my gratitude. Life is good is one thing I can tell myself. At a certain point happiness is choice surely.

Thank you for the thought.

(and thank you for the book, Dad. Yes, I do understand it's significance. It's great. I read a chapter yesterday.)

Tuesday, January 27, 2015


Your smile and high five was it. That was the best ending to the day.

But then there was the drive home when we talked about our ten most favorite ever things to do in the world. You made me list all ten, and then when I got to number nine you asked, "What about hanging out with your niece?"

"Ohgoodgosh, I already said it. It was number one. Remember. Laughing with my friends. You're my friend, chic. Don't forget it."

Then you smiled.

Maybe that's when the day ended.

Today I am grateful to go to an exercise class with my friend.

Monday, January 26, 2015

Monday dressed up as Sunday

Possibly the key is that it never stops feeling like the weekend.

Today I am grateful for a storyteller and his instruments, the drawing of a name, a certain cookie, and time to go back.

And now a phone call.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

phone call can save your soul

It's your friends. those people who talk. they will make your weekend.

and you wonder is that what it is, and I should just be overjoyed.

When I think about ways that I change my life, what do I consider things a friend does?

And I think I have them.
And my son and I had this conversation.

I have four friends.
He considers he has four friends as well.

It is such a small circle that we should be ashamed of ourselves because there are others, mind you, and they are fantastic. We have them as well, but these four, these four listen to all your shit.

This crazy blog stuff.

And sometimes I feel guilty for saying so much, but they always answer the call.

Today I am grateful for friends and for knowing that if I am making changes in my life
then one of those changes is increasing the number and quality of friendships I have which is going to take time, and I can make that. I am going to plan my own week, which is scary because what if someone needs something.

Then I'll figure it out.
Someone's gotta make a plan around here.
That someone's gotta be me.

All of a sudden I sound like Little Orphan Annie, which is hilarious.

Other goals for the week. (oh no, I've turned into this!)

1. Go to that zumba good music funny girls class.
2. Find someone to walk with one morning/afternoon.
3. Drink sixty-four ounces of water per day. Every day.
4. Don't smoke.
5. Take healthy snacks to work.
6. Get plenty of rest.
7. Take photos.
8. Write.
9. Read.
10. Be kind to the people you see. (really should've been number one, huh?)

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Sweetie & Callie Joe

You gobble. Your Dad taught you that. I'm saying within the next three years you'll call your first turkey up, but you may want to leave your friend at home because you know, cat and bird.

Well. You don't know yet but you are trying to find out and wait. 

Did Grammie just leave the room?
Where'd she go? Where'd she go? Where's Grammie? Has anyone seen her? 

You don't get upset. You just find her.

And you're pretty good at it. 
It's possibly some kind of fine-tuned internal compass. 
Could be another gift from your Dad to help with the hunting.
We'll wait and see.

Today I am grateful for time with you.

Dear Internet,

I love you.


local program saves the world

I will never be the photographer I want to be, but I will never stop trying to bring you the photo that keeps me from typing anything. If I was a better writer I'd be able to paint you a picture with my words. The current state of affairs is that I need to use both.

There is so much going on around here. Any day of the week you could find something to do with the children. The local 4-H has a strong program where children not only raise animals, but they also build robots and cook and garden and I'm sure many other things.

That's one of the things I remember about raising a child. You want them to have as many experiences as possible, as much learning from experts, travel, and you want them to hang out with good, caring people.

You want them to be good caring people.

(So here's the secret.

That woman on the bottom row, the one with the glasses.
She is an undercover agent.
Sitting there looking all innocent.

You'd never know that woman could give you a hug that'd bring you back to life. 
Seriously, I don't even have to say it anymore. She can't see me without giving me one of those or she'd be in so much trouble, and 

Candace above. 

That girl turned thirty yesterday, and I was surprised because she seems so wise beyond her years. Our family couldn't love anyone outside of our family any more than we love her.

There's just not enough hours to say thank you enough.)

Today I am grateful for the people I see. How a good, solid, body to body it feels like we haven't seen each other in forever hug can make you believe that this, this hug right here can save the world. 

How all we have to do is look up.

Friday, January 23, 2015

I'm betting a small bucket of catalpa worms, a pond and a cane pole to start.


It is the nursing home, and my second time there in the past few weeks. I've been scared to return.
I sit on the floor outside his door and wait for therapy to finish.
Last time the visit was so quick you woulda thought I was trying to break out.
It is good I have to rest here for a minute.

The visit?
He smiles and laughs and we joke and I give him two love letters.

"Hide these, please."

He will, he says.

We hug and tell each other how much we love each other. I kiss him on his cheek.


The power goes out. I imagine there is someone calling and telling those guys they have to leave their homes in this rain and work. I don't do it. Though I know some people need machines in order to keep living, I'll hear the rain and think it is important for me to be still and listen.

Nobody is running. Nobody is screaming. There are no emergencies in the immediate vicinity.

A car drives by. I hear tires meet water meet pavement meet air,
and I check my email to finally read what came earlier.

It is Daniel.
We are to meet in February.

I reply but can't send it.
Later, I think.


I stop by her office on my way to work.
(after the bus barn where I confuse the driver)

"Just pick a love letter. It's to a stranger. Leave it anywhere on your bus."


I repeat myself and then laugh at how absurd I am.

She says okay but I suspect only to get rid of me. I don't blame her.

At her office I tell her she has to have a party.

It has to be in February at the place she and her husband created.

She says, "Okay."

"I'll make Mrs. Vera's brownies. We'll play surrealistic poker. You have to see it. Here. Look."

She reads the description of the game and smiles.

Then she laughs and says, "Corey will be hilarious."

"My thought exactly."

Today I am grateful for friends, people who humor strangers, a nice rain, and how a night without power can be sweet.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

too great not to reference

CrapSrabble (UPDATED! Now with more gravy!)

Even the title is perfect.

note to self

Go back to this spot.
Leave a love note for a stranger.

the day you should've taken a better shot

This is your first Blue shot.
This is the second.

This is what happened today.

The kids asked the questions.

I have some better shots but in all honesty I just wanted you to see him. He is a World War II Veteran and a Civil Rights Leader. His name is Sergeant Reverend James McCree, and well,

it's an honor, Sir.

He served on that beach in France and for eleven months hid behind an enemy wall. Do you know what he did when shells were not being dropped on him? He laughed with his men.

He had a foxhole all alone next to a foxhole of two men. Those two men asked him, "Why don't you come over here?"

And he answered, "Why do you want me to come over there?"

"Because I know you prayed, man."

A little while later with the shells still dropping and exploding and you didn't know where they were going to land those two same guys told him, "Get over here."

So he did.

Within moments of his feet leaving the foxhole he thought was his to keep a shell fell in it.


He and the two guys looked at each other. That's when he told them, "It's because I prayed, man."

What he most fondly remembers of that time in his life? The friends who became family who he just talked to James Meredith about eight months ago.

Right now we're studying World War II History, but the people who served never stopped.
That's what we're learning. Their lives were about service.

What advice does he have for us? Peace. Anyday of the week he'd choose peace over war.

Seriously. I'm not smart enough to make this stuff up.

Patterns form.

Today I am grateful for my job.

This is family.

He says it, but I already know it because I saw them work. Or practice, they call it. Well oiled machine some may mention.

The fact is that guy is gunning for a state championship.

And if you can, sit and talk with this guy for a few minutes. Though it is a privilege because he typically only allows his wife, three kids, team, their parents and his coworkers time for conversation. Otherwise he is eating, drinking, sleeping basketball. Today's practice speaks to the fact he knows what the other team is going to do tonight. How multiples of five will play out on this very court and he's telling these guys how to play against it.

You should see how they listen.

These guys get some exercise, but while they are in class he even teaches yoga to his high school PE students during the day. Does it with them. Every last one.

Overheard during practice today:

Take it and make it.
Don't settle for long shots you ain't gotta take.
Make 'em compete with ya'. Make 'em compete for ya'.
Be visible.
Keep on.

and the list goes on of that voice these boys will hear hopefully forever down the road.

Because, yes, I've heard some arguments against competition. 
I get it, but I also see how it makes these guys better, both physically and with some type of spirit.

The only secret I found?
They were constantly encouraging each other like a family would.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015


Free podcast. I just listened to episode two.


I don't plan. the plan comes to me.

There is a pattern, a rhythm, a nice gentle sea to life.

If I accept it.

Tonight I feel like I did.

A class.

A zumba yoga good music funny girls kind of class.

And I think I like it.

So I'll be back.

And the class will become part of the rhythm of my life.

Or that's the plan, Stan.

Tonight I am grateful for a woman who keeps after us to dance with great music and groans and it seems she understands.

Monday, January 19, 2015

It's elementary, my Dear Vincent.

I know. I know, Vincent.
I know you tried to tell me because you knew.
And you just sent me an email about healthy eating.
And yes, everything is coming at once.
Change your entire life, every breath, 
and wait. Do we have to change everything simultaneously?

I guess.

Could we at least hold onto these conversations because maybe when we talk about change we also need to talk about what and who and how stays the same.

I found this today,

and I thought about how brilliant people keep saying this same thing all throughout history, like way way back.

So I think.

Today I am grateful for great leaders and for how you know they are great leaders because what they do and say speaks to something in your heart.

(and sometimes I think  our heart can be in our head  and that means the love we feel is smart)

Love feels smart.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Seth says, "You are what you share."

Alright. So I'm not going to tell you this. I'm just going to leave a love note to a stranger.

If a ten year old me could have been sitting to your left in this photo. 
    Sitting exactly as you with that same darn look

    then we would've been twins. So I look at you and you look back and I know what you're thinking.       

You want to go on an adventure.

So we go on a photo shoot, and I was reading today about a famous senior photo editor and what she told her photographers. 

And I tell you that we have another assignment. 
We have to find Blue.
You mention water. 
I say something about the sky.

I'll take off my boots, You say.

Barefoot in January on a sunny day. Yeah. Well. That's something, I reply.

So we find a pool and we pump the aperture way up, white balance is sunny. ISO at 100. Shutter speed going anywhere from 80 all the way up to 320. 

and what you help me find is cool. I think.

So thank you for that.

Also, you reminded me of something when you sang your new song, Dance.
And you danced.

And sometimes I forget who's teaching who.

ohgoodgosh. I love you.

Today I am grateful for an hour with her. 

Saturday, January 17, 2015

hey, you.

We had a request.

It was for a dinner with three exceptional ladies and it was so late I had to drive even after dark.

Crazy but nice.

And when you get my age I'll be eighty-eight.

Seriously. Not funny.

Unless, of course, I'm like Mrs. Frankie or Mrs. Annie or Granny or Aunt Maxine or Mrs. Nellie or
countless others. Those people make aging look like super human.

So don't worry that your birthday is next month. 

It looks like it gets better as it goes and you have it pretty good right now so yeah. It's fine to grow.

Today I am grateful for a visit, how you tried to feed Rosie your peanut butter and banana sandwich and how we found out it only gets better.

Dear Internet,

I love you.


Friday, January 16, 2015

events collide

Sing Heartface. Sing.

Partying on a Friday night means getting rest and getting an email from a friend. "It's live."
I got some sleep and took a breath before I clicked on the link, but when I did I found a smile on every page and I can't tell you what an honor it is to say, "It's good. Great even and I didn't find one misspelled word but I'm no good at that anyway.
But let me tell you there is just something about what you wrote in policies and descriptions of the rooms and 
Oh, Allie. There you are."

I wonder if I sent Karen a love letter to a stranger she would then hide it somewhere in the house. That'd be cool.

Note to self: Reply to Karen's email. Make the suggestion. And oh yeah, my favorite. Your description of how to be a moon hollow guest. Perfect.

Ever felt like a rambling soul, words just flow and fireflies, 
do you remember those? This is a most definite writer's or life's retreat. 

Today I am grateful for all those things dancing in the air around us. Sometimes they seem to collide.


The Improv: 50 Years Behind the Brick Wall

Thursday, January 15, 2015

shop local, not because of the numbers

the reason is purely selfish.

The local people can handle it.
They will accept your stressed out banter of there is not enough money to give what I want to give so tell me what will be best.

Then they'll be all,

"I got this."

(do some breathing, lady)

That's when I ask, "Can you make that look pretty?"

And they say, "Yes."

porch sittin'

what the dogs know.

We sit in two different rooms now but there is more room so we could expand if needed.
And maybe it will be needed. Who knows?
All those great things and people the future can bring.

They are there.

(though sometimes we have to remind ourselves because the world can be so tragic)

Mom and I went for a drive tonight.
We picked up some medicine for Daddy.
please note the dy has been added.

"Sometimes I think that all the money in the world cannot do what is needed. I got an email today. Did you hear about that kid?"

"Yeah. Yeah I saw that."

"I mean, Good Lord."

"And then there was that other thing?"

"I don't know if that's true."

"You don't think?"

"No, I think there is something for him."

"Okay. That makes me feel better because seriously sometimes it looks so grim when we look outside and see what's happening and there's not enough money in the world to do what is needed. And sometimes it's like how does money help. Ya' know. The big question for charity."


Today I am grateful for the conversations I have with my Mama. please note the spelling change.

(and here's the deal. I know so many great Mamas out there and when I think of mine I think of conversations and how lucky I am to know several great Mamas in this world.

now I guess we're supposed to send each other traveling pants or something.
or better.
let's just all keep our pants)

Fast Eddie

His name is Daniel, and he sleeps on Fast Eddie's couch.
He kinda did this but in another way.
And then he decided to go back to college.

"Okay. First is first. Do you guys know what we're doing?"

"Yeah. Well. We heard about it on the way over," says JuJu.

"So you heard there's a website and this girl has started a movement and look at this park bench she even did a painting and people are finding these things and it's pretty cool. Whatcha think?"

Scissors, stick glue, magic markers, colored paper (now I wish I had glitter but) we borrowed a conference room with carpet and comfy chairs and a table so long we crouched in the middle.

There are three kids.
We are missing two.
All of them begin establishing space and thinking.
You can actually see their minds turning.

We spell words like information and remember and chocolate and
we cut and
how did you make that heart?

Jess says, "Do it like it the kids do it. Fold the paper in half."

Alea says, "Do mine," but she knows she can do it.

"Can we put our names on them?"
"Can we say God?"


Today I am grateful for heartface and an anthem of sorts. Have you ever noticed that children can break out into an original song? If you are a songwriter and have agonized over writing a song then please feel worse about yourself because children spontaneously create music. Just happens. Sorry.

To make up for that the kids and I are hiding twenty-five love letters to strangers.
I can confirm that two have already been hidden.

Note to parents: I think this is the best part. When my niece hid one in a very public but secret but you can see it but ohmygosh that lady just walked by it and

Come on, Jess. You know it's going wherever it needs to.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

when children form gangs

There's this note.

It is a reoccurring thought occurring in the mornings when I walk into the office.

Sometimes it's on a big poster board and sometimes it is disguised as a mat on the floor. Mostly it is on an 8-1/2 x 11 piece of colored paper and it's full of love and magic marker and some of the most beautiful art created by some of the most beautiful artists.


And I have to admit that when I first see it I think, ohmygosh. I look suicidal to an eight year old. Quick note to self: Girl, brush your hair. Stop looking suicidal to children. You have a job.

After that is when I get it. (you know it takes me a minute)

That's when I think.

How cool is it to get love letters in the mornings from someone who in the past twelve hours has considered me? That when I was asleep or reading or eating or driving home from work that someone was thinking kindly and thinking of me in their brain all at the same time. Simultaneously.

That's crazy.
With all this love in the world
someone needs to organize it.

Then I think of the gang of children who spend their afternoons creating and leaving love letters in mine and other peoples' offices. And I think you can't contain that kind of love and what if  you sent it out into the world. Would you trust that who needed it would get it and then it would spread until it dissipated or where would it go?

Exactly where it needed to. The kids and I will figure.

That's what we're going do when we do our class this week.

We're going to create love letters to the world and hide them where they and their parents think will be the best place for them. And they'll either send me photos or they won't but hopefully you, you who is reading this, no matter where you are or what you're doing you'll be touched by at least a ripple of the energy being beamed into this world by all the people who leave a love letter for a stranger.

Today I am grateful for how energy rolls like a snowball down a hill picking up more energy until it's so huge that it clobbers you.

(that sounds so violent but it's love so then we'll just make snow angels)

Dear Internet,

I love you.


Monday, January 12, 2015


I stand at the door tapping on the glass.
Just for you I am here I try to say, but you.
You are busy eating a pear.

There is such a vastness to what he does.
It looks as if we're all blanketed by some type of magic.

I am starting to want again.
One month and you will get an award I tell myself.

I need to make an appointment.

What seems to be the problem, m'am?

Well. Um. I think I need a shot like B12 or something.

Okay. Why do you feel like you need B12?

It's just that I sorta face planted into my pillow when I got home from work at about 5:00 and I don't think that's normal, right? Because you know. People actually live in the evenings. Right? 

Makes a note in a chart (note can never be erased): Patient wants to know if people live in the evenings. Suggest psych eval.

Next appointment.



I see here that Doctor Literal has suggested you think people don't live in the evenings.

Listen. That was just a figure of speech, you know, being colorful or creative or cliche. 

Oh. So why do you think you are here?

Because I was being colorful or creative or cliche.

Makes a note in chart (always, forever but not really because who cares): Smart ass. Prescribe medication to dull speech.

Never mind.

When I first saw what he wrote I pretended my heart broke.
Nobody cares, he screamed.
And nobody did because nobody said anything.
Then I watched as people passed by and they were talking about what was happening in their lives.
Nobody cares, he repeated.

Then I saw it.
A slight upturn at the corner of his mouth.
the slyest of grins.
I walked away.
Our eyes never met, but I still remember what I felt.

His smile was a relief.
It wasn't a cry for help.
It was a shout for freedom.

Today I am grateful that people do care and take care of each other.
And that guy, I am grateful for his influence as well.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

sign for the grievance

What if we consider our expectations of each other?

Today I am grateful for


For how I know that if my son listens he'll smile because Ira Glass and all those beautiful voices at This American Life provided at least part of the soundtrack of his childhood.

Have you ever taken an entire day to rest, to heal, to sleep? It's a super duper will heal you like no other. And it's free. It doesn't cost anything unless, of course, it costs you a day's worth of water.

which would suck and now I feel like a spoiled brat.
but I guess I am going to expect that people are doing what they love all over the world.
and just because they don't have what I have it means they can't be just as happy as me.
so what I'll choose to believe is that for the most part we're all pretty good.
and that's cool.


First and foremost I believe in free speech. That's all I know to say on the recent horror in France. I like it when we can all speak. I don't want anyone to take your words away. I want you to have the choice in what you say as long as you don't bring harm on someone else. And I know harm is tricky because you can feel like your way of life is being harmed and that nobody hears you. And what good is writing on a poster when nobody reads what it says. But what if you just wrote it for yourself?

I don't know.

My disclaimer is I don't want to be mad at the world, and I hate soapboxes which is why I never owned one until I got a blog. I just feel frustrated right now.

I don’t like horn blowing.  It should be saved for emergencies.

On the other hand I thought about the following today.
It is entitled what the pets know.

They knew that when they walked up on this place they didn’t reach Hotel California.

I am no good at getting rid of animals. I can’t take them off. I can’t kill them so I have a talk with them. I tell them I’ll figure a way to feed you and you’ve got this porch, some chairs, each other but you’re not coming inside, man. And you’re only going to the vet to get fixed.

I’m sorry.

But here’s what’s so weird.
You’d think this place was the most awesome place in the history of the entire universe because Dude. They protect it like they were here before me.

In fact, this place is what I like to call Too Many.
(and I feel bad for saying that but there can be too many people who drop their animals off out in the country.

And it’s kinda heartbreaking, you know.
Because you have to wonder, what does that feel like? Someone just leaving you on a road somewhere and you. You wouldn’t understand or maybe you would because those people may have been assholes. I don’t know. I’m not trying to make any judgments here.

Or policy.
Or law.
Or anything other than a call to common sense.

Just stop breeding them, please.
Stop buying from breeders. Maybe.
How about five years?
For five years we all just stop that nonsense and see what happens when someone who wants a dog or a cat simply goes to their local shelter and adopts

or heck, go for a drive out in the country and be some dog’s hero.

This one seems too easy to solve.

Today I am grateful that we all are going to care just a little more.