It was the light through the windows. It made me stop.
Another lesson over and over until one day you say the reason today was such a great day was because I finally let go. I lost her in my head but knew I would always love her and if she ever needed me then I would be right here. I struggled with it again. The hardest way to learn this is with your own kid.
But then I tried to find another kid who was not mine and try to make her play music and she even said that today, "You know now that everything is over with I think I'm going to pick up my guitar again."
I didn't say anything until I thought saying nothing was the worst thing I could do but winging it is not the best thing either. I had not planned this conversation. I should have. I forgot about the guitar because I knew that's what I was supposed to do. But here. She's bringing it up so I have to say something.
"Cool," it's my most Richie Cunningham trying to be friends with The Fonz variation of the word.
"It's totally selfish. Forget about the kids. I loved today."
"What do you mean forget about the kids?"
"I mean today I realized that my time with her is totally selfish. It was incredible. We painted and listened to music and made grilled cheese and she watched Slingshot and we played chess. Two more games and she'll beat me for the rest of her life. Right now it's great. It's Slater in second grade."
Today I am grateful for a groundhog day.