Saturday, February 28, 2015

this is your brain. this is your brain on...

drugs.

photography

Alex's birthday.




yep.

winter photos




Today I turn in my two photos to Sowashee.
It's not these two.


Does anyone have an answer to why the color is changed and the light is taken from photos when they are uploaded to the internet? I guess it's supposed to feel more like winter that way. Plus, it doesn't matter.




Today I am grateful for the sun.


Friday, February 27, 2015

ebb and flow



Some kids taught me this week.

(here's when you mention a theme and ask,)

What have the children taught you this week?

They taught me to think about how you feel.

And sometimes when I think about that I think I should just shut up because in this world everyone has their own walk and what the what do I know because sometimes weeks are heavy to carry for a community of people and maybe when a cardinal visits you or a seagull is in the sand you can consider someone who you loved and what you would say to them.

Because you didn't want them to go.




"Toes in the mud. Hands in the air."
Jess got quote of the week.


Today I am grateful for the whys and hows we find to get up that morning.




Thursday, February 26, 2015

meet

Central High School Art Project, Webster County School District 1998

The lady sitting next to me asks, "What day is it?"

I stare blankly at her then say, "Don't ask me."


Today I am grateful for a conference filled with such creative and talented people that I forgot it was my birthday.


(Now to decipher the notes I took. No simple feat.)

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

bird man questions



Do you remember how I asked you why are those birds just watching? Do you think they fear that the others are too aggressive? Do you think they are too young or too old or have been beaten up before? Are they waiting for a particular time? Are they less confident than the others? Less skilled? Less greedy?


You didn't know, you said.



One of the reasons I love you is that you don't have all the answers to those questions.
Because maybe you know the answer is always the one we give ourselves.



Is it okay to listen to one book while I read another one?



Today I am grateful for questions.










Monday, February 23, 2015

pain is sometimes quiet



It was at the top of a waterfall where the boys and I saw a guy stopping to rest beneath us off in the distance. The boys yelled out and waved. It made sense. We had spent the morning walking on a horse trail onto an uncertain wooded path until we finally heard the rush of water and then walked into the clearing. There we were able to fill our water bottles and cool off in the upper stream.

It was one of the boys who saw him first and yelled out and waved. The guy clearly heard him but ignored him and eventually walked away. The boy whispered a name for the guy and then went back to walking barefoot in the stream.

I asked, "How did you know his name was Dick?"

The boy said, "Whatever. He could have at least waved."

"I don't know. Maybe he comes here to be quiet, to make a huge decision, to mourn loss. Does he have to speak to us to be an okay guy?"

All three boys seemed to think about it for a moment then the moment was gone.


Until today.


Today I am grateful for people who reach out and for people who silently pray.




there is this one photo


Today I am grateful for that one photo at the end of the video and the music which accompanied it. I am grateful for that kid and the gifts she got. I am grateful for the love on people's faces.










Sunday, February 22, 2015

this guy



yep.

winter



I think I'll choose this with a little more light for Sowashee Power & Light.
We'll see. I have some options.



This is a winter beach. Maybe it's not everything in that poem, but it's honest.
These are our winter footprints.






He refused to wear the snowsuit. I don't blame him.

Yesterday he was sick. Today, too.


Or should we do a bird?
Or measure distance?




You tell me.



You can even tell me in music.
What is some southern winter music accompanied by a photograph?




Note: Remember this.




The movie is Interstellar.
(once you have a child it seems at least a part of you is always trying to send them a message.)



My winter message is, "The world is huge out there. It's beautiful. Always remember that."


Today I am grateful for movies and music fest.


Room to Move by John Mayall will distract you.















Saturday, February 21, 2015

Lucy




Yep.

Selma




Highly recommended.

purpose



If there is one purpose for a photo it is to revisit a morning when light didn't cut the horizon
and no, I don't need a light meter 'cause there is something so perfect about being imperfect in this world and I remember that morning felt like forgiveness.



And the movie Contact with Jodie Foster. Remember that?


This blog is a bird blog first. Movie blog second.



Today I am grateful for a Saturday's pace, for photos. For a warm blanket and a cup of coffee.




Music by John Mayall.












Friday, February 20, 2015

art & notes

photographed at last night's art show


They run ahead, but she stays back and holds my hand and we walk a million places in circles on a street and near a beach and

MAAAAN! How far are we gonna go?

around that bend, back up there, up at the end then we have to go back again.

Okay.






Today I am grateful for a nice place to walk, the ability to do so and
how much fun it is to go to an art show.


Wednesday, February 18, 2015

happy birdday (that's not funny, Shea)




Dear Mom,

There's your beach, and it won't be long till you get to be on it.

Yay.

And, as always, I am so highly impressed with you.

I don't know how you do all that you do, but, then again I don't ever remember you not taking care of everyone and everything.

And well.
You know.
I am in a state of eternal gratitude because of you.


Happy Birthday from It's an Honor to be Your Daughter.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

feeding the birds



It's a winter beach with white sand and sweatshirts and scarves and coats and a free show.
Isn't that the thing about a beach?
The wind, the volume, looking out into what appears to be infinity
or a wall of sky way out into the distance.
Massive is the Gulf of Mexico.



I saw a cool baby today.
Thighs in striped pants.
Big eyes and the sweetest grin.
Happy. Baby. Day.
a gift on transition day back to not the ocean.



That's way too much money. Right?
How much?
How much money to live within walking distance of the beach, say 2.5 miles?
In Florida or the Mississippi or Alabama Gulf Coast?
Insurance would be crazy, but how much?
You don't need a big mansion.
Just something small and strong with running water and electricity and internet.


I think I'm going to start researching that.

In the Habits book people started meeting goals when they wrote them down.




Today I am grateful for a baby at work, for a Zumba Yoga Rrific class which is filled with people who are starting to seem like old friends. For a phone call and talk of a trip to Peru.


Please.
I am where I have work to do.






Monday, February 16, 2015

notes



It's a legitimate question, Why do you need to document everything?

Um. I don't know. It doesn't make any sense. 




It's notes. It's just like taking notes of the sweetness of life.

I don't have to do that.

I know you don't but for whatever crazy reason I think I am supposed to.





So I do.
And we do this.
And I tell you, I don't have to say anything, but you have to tell me not to.




And you don't.
And I love you for that.

Plus, there seemed to be a theme in the notes.






There is that one photo I didn't get. It was of this morning when we were sitting on the couch and you had your head on my shoulder and my arm was around your neck and the lights were off except from what was getting past the curtains 

and there was a hum coming from the washer and dryer and 
I didn't want to move because I didn't want to wake you
and I smiled when I thought what a funny photo this would make


And you woke up, looked at me and said, "What?"

"Oh sorry. I was just smiling at something."

And you went back to sleep.



Today I am grateful for the weekend, the food, the movies, the places and the guy I shared it with.


(also, the bird photos. if I ever want to start a bird blog I'm equipped)









Sunday, February 15, 2015

to Mom with love



Today I am grateful for the means and the tools and the help I needed to get something done for my Mom.

Friday, February 13, 2015

it never ends



love stories



I am going to tell you this story.

They were in their early twenties and newlyweds without children. They lived in Oklahoma, but he was stationed in Chicago. She was taking a train to see him on weekends. They would eventually travel all over the world. She would take photos and write about their trips, but the weekend the above photo was taken was the weekend she left her hats on a train platform. 


But it was like love solved the problem.
Like love does. 
You know what I mean.


When you're excited to see someone.
I mean.
ohmygosh! I am going to see them. type of excited.
and you try not to think about it 

because
you don't want to expect too much or too little or before long you just can't wait
but you have and you're glad you did.


I imagine how she felt that day
leaving those hats she had planned to wear.


And I love she found that flower and put it in her hair.







Today I am grateful for love stories and that people continue to share them. 
It's like we need them in this world. You know.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

photo

Paulette Getting Ready for Work, Clarksdale       Color Photograph by Milly Moorhead       1984 MMA Best of Show



Still one of my favorites.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

here now

zumba yoga rrific two nights in a row.
I know, I know.
and yes, I still sometimes yell out "No. No."
but maybe less.



then a high five and a hug and yep, we did it.
then maybe a little dance move. circling around. hands in the air.


Noticeable improvement: I feel taller. I notice my posture and my breathing. Better sleeping.








But only after a story of love about a flower in her hair
when the train left her but left her without hats.







Did you ever notice when you focus on love that you see more love in the air?

I do.





Today I am grateful for how it feels to sink into the concrete after a good workout.

time

and inspiration and could we add a couple of extra hours to each day?

Dear Internet,

I love you.


Thank you, Rebecca.
shea

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

now is exercise

Zumba yoga rrific because that's how you feel when you walk out.
And you turn to your friend and you say, "That feels great."

Because I think for the past couple of years I've been in the crouch position.
Only now do I feel like I'm wakening to life.
This age, it is good.
Forty-five.


It's your kid being the great guy you remember but you had to let him have his own life.
I'm serious.

"No, Mom. You cannot live where I live."

so I had to find a place.


That place. this place.


It is good.



Today I am grateful for that guy and those people and yeah, you.
Place is good.



(Insert photo of horses which I haven't gotten though I've had many chances)



The girl in call two of Caller Go Ahead who said, "He loves my writing. And I couldn't believe it because nobody had ever really loved my writing and it just felt so good and then….


I was scared I was going to ruin it."

(of course I'm paraphrasing here)


Valentine's Day is about that girl. We have to love each other for her.

color


Monday, February 9, 2015

Dear Internet,

I love you.


me

reservations



Keyboard player. We need to have some cash for a tip to the cup.
ohgoodgosh. what do I wear?

Pants, black of course. Make-up? Scarf? Do I have to put on earrings?
Please. You can wear flip flops to this joint.
How 'bout if I just come as me?


And I suggest the shrimp and grits or the crawfish linguine.
So I order for me but I don't know which yet.
I'll wait and see and get whatever you don't, and if you don't choose either then I'll pick the linguine.


And what I wonder about is the conversation we will have at this table (and I realize that it is such an absurd worry because we never stopped having a conversation in all these years)


And I want to see your eyes light up when you tell me about this book and this movie and this music and we'll have at least one slow dance. Right?


Yes.
I've tried not to think about that slow dance too much, but I do think it could be, may be Kimbrough's Lord, Have Mercy on Me.





Today I am grateful for our reservations.

(I now understand what you mean by suspense and love.)



Sunday, February 8, 2015

live now. remember. vulnerable.

Today I called friends. Six of them. The phone is officially dead.

The last one, an editor of a magazine, gave me an assignment.

Five hundred words.
Nonfiction.
First person.
Like you are connecting with us out there.



Wait.
Are you saying write on the blog?



Yes.
Did I mention you won’t get paid for it?




I already know that. Of course I am going to write on the blog.

So 500 words, and I’m already at seventy-seven. Four hundred twenty-three remaining, and I’m a nervous wreck.

You could come up with a million causes or hormones or smoking cessation or no alcohol or you gotta get some stuff done, lady.

Do it now.

Okay.

I’ll type.



And soon there is a risk that I have to take.
And even calling it a risk makes it risky but such is my guy friend behavior.
Because if you pour yourself here will anyone come.

This feels vulnerable and personal and do I want them to?

164 words.
I think those are the questions.
Yes.

So.
There is him.


And he is Alabama.
And I am Mississippi.
And he is a little older than me and the brother of someone I knew for years.




And him I love very much.
And I wonder if I love too much.



So I have made me a list and contain myself within.
The list is called Would You Take This Bet?



1.     I will only need him once a day for thirty minutes. (that would be hard so I would have to blog in order to leave him alone. but that’s what we do anyway so yeah, that works)
2.     I would have to be better to myself, but he’s already liking what he’s seeing so there’s that.
3.     And yeah. It’s just the weekend.



So yes.
One little bet that I could stop smoking, and the weekend is my reward.
316 words. 184 left.



Today was not the easiest, but we made it.
And maybe you did too.


And you have your yellow lighter and your candle and water and a bowl of fruit and celery and carrots. How lucky are you?


Talking to yourself.
361 words. 139 left.



Mom said breathe.
Use four seconds to take in a breath.
Use eight seconds to hold it.
Then nine whole seconds of letting it out.


This is anxiety.
Fear.



It’s just the weekend.
Just one risk.


The kid said yes.
The parent is cleared.



Today I am grateful for six friends, a kid, an assignment and the fact that it is just the weekend with that guy who sends packages and who has been around for eight years and wow there are other things which seem so intensely personal and yeah





we’re going to have a weekend.





See. The deal is that if I was going to get better I was going to have to get better at relationships. Sounds like a project, doesn’t it? I definitely would not blame him if he did not show up.

but I'd like him to so there's that.
(and how cool is it to be someone's reward for being good to themselves)


524 words.

the kid recommended




Saturday, February 7, 2015

more Friday notes (latest episode of kids these days)

Walk, Don't Ride: A Celebration of the Fight for Equality

I never know what I'm getting into, and it's thrilling when this is the second thrilling thing of the day. Special thank you to a very special lady who is my boss and who says yes when someone asks,

"For your kids?"

Yes (exclamation point), she says.

I found out a couple of days before the event. Never doubted I'd be there.

Then.
Just.
Wow.


These people and arts in education and our history.


Yeah.


Do you know what I thought as I sat there?
(no, Shea but there's no doubt you want to tell me)

I thought if I could I send Mrs. Parks a message and she could somehow get an invitation and you know, look down or float around or whatever strength and love and determination get you

I just thought that she would maybe sit in the back of the theater with me, and we'd smile at the irony and we'd silently watch what is happening here and she would say,

"Good. Good for all of us."

Then I would turn to her and say, "Thank you, lady. You are quite the role model in a world of fear."



Because of all of our Civil Rights Leaders we are living in a better world.

Yep.
Better world.
It is.


And if this month is about black history it is about the history of people and I am a sucker for a story with such incredible intrigue and characters who stand up and take a lead.


And then as always happens. I don't know why I am ever surprised anymore.

I don't get the photo

of this guy.


But that's okay.

Because I may never be as good a photographer as he is at giving Martin Luther King, Jr.'s I Have a Dream speech. 

And that'll be just fine. 

I bow to his beauty.


Today I am grateful for the opportunity to consider history, consider our present and have hope for our future.


(in the Power of Habit hope can cure an addict)

question into story

You know those people who are sometimes mentioning color of skin when talking about people in general?

They seem racist. Don't they?

And yes.

There is racism in this world against every color that is or isn't.

give me one person.
I'll give you one person who thinks they are better than that person.
more times than not that reason is outrageously superficial.
For whatever reason. People are feeling really insecure about who they are because they see someone different than themselves and they are all well, surely I'm better than that person.

or worse.

and yeah.


people are silly.



master's thesis question: three four answers.

1. Jack Johnson
2. Ben Harper
3. Eddie Vedder

and oh yeah.

4. Heidi Swedberg


Anyway, I knew I'd get funky with it.

Friday, February 6, 2015

risk

wormhole of art.




You can get lost in the faces you see.






Don't look at too many.

belief

here.

I need this. this is my life.



him.

he is understandably devout in his belief. whatever that belief is.

I understandably see his point but then say, "how's this?"

or I just say, "Hm. Okay. Yeah. I see. but."


then I call him.
and say, "I am fearing."




yep.




I don't like to fear because I think I will make my fears real.
and he says, "you know what we believe."
and I say, "yes."



so.


I ask you.


How many people need to believe exactly like you?
How many soul mates do you have?
How many could you handle?


Look around you.
It's good out there.

falling into a day

Start early.
Go watch a family be absolutely gorgeous.
Leave.
Think that that could be the best thing to happen today.

Then.
Edit photos. (Mom is a photographer. You have to give up before you even take the photo, and I told her that. It's intimidating. Pam is the best sport photographer I know. It is definitely an art.)


Publish with story.

And love.



Then.
Go to extraordinary.
Watch a play of professional actors.



and



watch a kid give an I Have A Dream speech like a King.



Then.
Hear some news of courage and strength and victory and triumph and let's have a party.




Then.
I want to tell you.



That this day turned out great.



Friday is a party when you fall into it.


Today I am grateful for today, what today meant.





Thursday, February 5, 2015

love letter

Dear Internet,

I love Jenny and Victor.

me

step two. wave at a baby.

Her big sister is in an art show.
She is sitting with her Daddy and
 he pulls her toward his chest and
she looks over his shoulder.


Do not take a picture.
Simply wave.


If she doesn't know the hand movement or if she only does that for people close to her then she may just smile with all of her three teeth. Seriously. You'll fall in love right there.



And those other kids, look at the smiles on their faces.
One with her fashion glasses.
Two of whom I hope play either the ukelele or dulcimer or both.


And the parents and the grandparents and the women of the women's club and cookies and cupcakes and that punch is good, quote (HM).




Today I am grateful for community and the potential of seeing my Dad again.






The Power of Habit, pages in the middle of the book.
Tony Dungy kept everything simple. Simple tasks.
Keeping it simple keeps it something you can not only maintain but possibly thrive within.



I am also grateful for what happens when I wave at a baby.
Better than a cigarette.


Before
Trigger: Big room with lots of people.
Habit: Find a moment to run outside, hide and smoke.

(smoking is antisocial behavior now. nobody has thought they were cool for decades even.)

Reward: Feel in control.


(it's tough to write that. control? please! out of control, young lady.)


After
Trigger: Big room with lots of people.
Habit: Wave at a nearby baby or someone or a dog. Find someone or something and wave.

(inanimate objects may need to be kept to a minimum here. don't carry around your volleyball in public. or do. what does it matter?)

Reward: Felt in control, I guess. Really didn't care. It became a really great place with lots of people smiling and Peggy. ohgoodgosh. Peggy looks great.


Today's note:
Keeping it simple works.


Tonight's music.
(I know, I know. depressing and old. but classic and beautiful, I think. I'll listen to some funk tomorrow.)

Kafka

"From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back.
That is the point that must be reached."



Source.



Wednesday, February 4, 2015

from the old person in the room



I received a note.


It was a picture of that Mr. Awesome or Wonderful or Most Intriguing Man.
He was saying something about slow drivers. I don't know.


Anyway, as a result he lost his intrigue.




Dear fast driver,

We're driving slow and yes, we will pull off the road to let you by. We don't want to get in your way. You are very, very important and very, very late. And not much of a planner or a caller of I'm going to be late. I used to be that way. It was kinda the mantra of the single mom. I wore it with some kind of weird pride.

Now I think.

Man, I'm glad we never hurt anybody. (or did I)





Dear drunk driver,

I have been you when I was younger. I have seen you fall out of a truck on a lift.
I have heard of people killing people, and I don't want that to be you or anyone else.
Right?

Yeah.




Dear driver with the constant blinker,

You make me laugh. I remember the time I did that. It's happened to everyone at least once. Ask your friend. 

If they say, no. they are just not admitting it.





Dear person who didn't need to read this,

Sorry. I just felt like I needed to type it.






the 500th child

Insert photo of four year old kid running at camera. No. Photo of him and those three.


That's what Imagination Library looks like.
It is a kid excited about balloons.
And his love of reading may actually be some type of memory like that.


That boy at forty may look back and say, Oh yeah I became a writer and yes, I remember when my joy of reading started. My reading first included balloons. It was a party getting books and a little computer and I think that


well.


then I remember.



a book would come each month in my or mamaw's mailbox.



and we'd read.


It was like we had a party when that book came.
The party was called, "Let's sit down and read our new book. And remember if you read you get a balloon."



That kid loves him some balloons.










We mimic each other. It's how we learn.
That's at least one reason people say,"Read to your kid."

blaaaahhhhhhG

There are some things I can't watch so I take a test my son sends me.
Because, how cool is that?

He paid $10 to find my strengths. A university professor from a class of organizational behavior had him take it free of charge because he was part of a study and his answers were exactly as she knew they'd be.


So he wanted to test me.
So yeah.


I'm excited, baby. (only call him baby on the blog)


Here's my email response.
Because sometimes I just need to talk about him on this blog.
And his her, I wonder how things went for her yesterday. What a week she is having.




And Mom got to go to a nice lunch.
And see Little Bird. And we've all been hoping Little Bird felt better.

Dad sounds good.



Anyway, the email.



I took your test! My strengths were: 

1. Gorgeous
2. Great hair
3. An Awesome Flair for Fashion
4. Poise and Grace tied for four.
5. Posture

I think this means I'm supposed to be a Ms. Universe pageant contestant.

Actually I am disappointed that humor is not one of my strengths.

The real thing strengths are:

1. Connectedness 
2. Strategic (I must have answered something wrong)
3. Learner
4. Input
5. Adaptability

This, of course, leads to my weakness of depression now that my goal of being Ms. Universe is looking less like it's going to happen.

Hope you weren't banking on that.

Damn test.


Love,
Mom




Today I am why? can't I be more creative? really aren't all we though? just so dang grateful for our children.


Love means a lot.



And Bam. I love it.

Dear Internet,

I love you.



Sincerely,
me

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

not always but some times



Hi. Nice to see you, especially in that light and especially after last night. And dinner. Wow. Amazing.

How are you?

Juice? Coffee? Your phone of course.

Apples? Sliced or do you just want me to bring you the whole thing?




Tell me all about it.




But somedays I don't have everything done and
not having everything done means
I let everything get in the way.
(ridiculous)


my sincerest of apologies.




a day in acts

We have a project.
We, us, are going to do a zumba video.
Exciting. Huh?



This zumba video is gonna have ya' know, acts.


Act one.
You seriously do not want to go to zumba. I mean seriously, but you have to.



Act two.
You go to zumba. Read a book in the floor of a hall. It's your third class and you recognize faces and slippers and smiling and skipping and don't run.




Act three.
You go to a ballgame and just try your hand at a photo. Maybe you have it. Maybe you don't.



Act four.
You think to yourself, Now I need to write.


Act five.
That would be a totally boring video compared to that other one.


But ah, such is life.



There is poetry in this world. A love letter from England.

A love letter from Sarah.

A love letter from Kay, a love letter from Karen.

From Darin.

People are sending love letters everywhere.



So beautiful, I think.


Today I am grateful again (I keep repeating myself) for writers.

Now I must send that love back or out or whatever I'm supposed to be doing.


Which reminds me, Don't we have a brochure to write?

Yes. we do.


Get on that now.
(though sometimes I think I'll watch a TV show so I can be distracted from a life of so much recent loss in a community)

suspicious package




everything is real

A big thank you goes out to a friend who reminded me of that tonight.
Then I read this and thought it again.

Monday, February 2, 2015

love letter to wilson or william edgar

Insert all the photos here

(all of them in the biggest box ever and even if nobody ever remembers them. ever. if they ever get lost then what we hope is that someone sees a feeling they left)


Then say what it is. 
Tell someone. 
Write it down and send it in the air. 





I am sending one to Louisiana via this blog. 
I am dedicating this letter to my backpack.


I solemnly swear, pinky oath, that you will get your letter. 
I know people there. 
I got some strings up in this place.

There are theories that love is a circle. We'll let that be our hypothesis. 

This is obviously a scientific study.
I know scientists. I have fellow scientists.
Love letters have already been set loose by some crazy kids in Mississippi.


Here is my love letter for my friends in Louisiana. 















Hey. You look scared. And I understand, it's a big world out there.
But, look around you. you're good.
Check your pockets. They've got something or if they don't, someone does.
You can find them by being kind to yourself when kindness is respect and love.
At least right now your hand is holding onto something.


This letter.



You.
Life is beautiful.
You are part, yobeit possibly a very small, just the slightest portion of or the biggest thing in someone or something's world. And their world is beautiful. 

Yes, insane sometimes but it's good sometimes nonetheless. 

You are exquisite, and I know sometimes it's hard to believe because when someone loves you very very much they want the best for you, but please believe that about yourself.


Because you. 
You are beautiful.



And it doesn't matter where you are or how you found this or even what you look like. 
I don't care if you're clean or dirty or broke or wealthy. It doesn't matter.
You don't have to go anywhere. This came to you and not because I sent it.

What matters is that you received it.


Want to know more? 
Someone says love will surprise you. 
I believe that is true.



If you can get to a computer (maybe at a library). Then you will see something happen. 
It won't be sudden like a million dollars, but it will be something. 




What it tells you is you have to do one of four things.

1. Put this letter back where you found it.
2. Hide it somewhere else.
3. Write your own letter.
4. It's some kind of 


Really? Haven't you outgrown the hide and seek type thing? 


Yep.

But.

But we're trusting and I know trusting is hard because you have to trust yourself to love just one person.  And that person has to be good to you and by good to you I mean cares about what you think, what your very heart tells you to say. Once you have that person it is very very very likely that another comes along and another and before long you're renting out cabins and hotels and ohgoodgosh where did you go? 


But it's still okay if all you ever have is that one person
Obviously out into the ether somewhere. 
If they loved you you'll smile when you remember them.



(and somehow that goes in your letter)



Or not.



You don't have to do anything. 
You can also walk away.


What I know is there is no fear in love. 
Surely you've at least heard that four letter word.
It just makes sense and will save you if times get tough.












Today I am grateful for our talks, for the ability to type a love letter or handwrite one or whatever. I am grateful for my Mom and my Dad, two people who showed me what love is. And all those other people of the world: friends, relatives, those who left, those still here, there are enough people that everyone gets at least one letter each.


What I believe is that love goes where it's needed. For me that is so much a part of this big truth everyone talks about. I am grateful that people are so concerned about me they want to sign me up for a weekly class. 

Put a textbook on my desk. A pamphlet.
Magic marker. Big white poster board. 
Leaving love letters, I guess.
These people are constantly reminding me to be grateful for what I have.
If needed, hold on to that last thread.

When you have that then hide a letter.
(even if it's just one you found) 

Soon you'll take a walk and laugh.
Talk with someone, something. 

Name your volleyball if needed.

Maybe this won't save the world. 
Maybe we'll fail.
No doubt we can't help but be. 








What I love about those people who leave me love letters and textbooks is that they are just like me.
Love connects us.


friendface


Sunday, February 1, 2015

not the super bowl

Here comes the rain and the knowledge that most everyone in the your vicinity is watching a football game and that’s cool but


I wonder if it’s okay if some of us just listen to this. (act four is not for kids)

Because.
Yeah.

I talked to a good guy today.

This is what he said.


“I don’t know.”


“I know. Right?”


“Yep. I’m stumped.”


“Well if you ever figure it out then please tell me.”


“I have a book you can read.”


“But I’m already reading one. And kinda writing one (not really, but sorta) and taking photos and editing photos and working.”


“I know. Poor you.”


“No.

That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that I don’t have time to read your book so you just have to tell it to me.”


And really and truly you just tell it with your life.
And you do a really good job.
You’re a good guy, and I don’t know if I have told you that lately.
And I am sorry I have to do it on a blog.
And I am sorry you are now connected with me.
And I am sorry I talk so much and sorry for all the apologies.



But you have to admit.
It’s kinda romantic. Right?

I hope you still think so.



Today I am grateful to just stick my toes in the water, feel that feeling again and I know we have to wonder. It’s not like anybody has it super easy out there and so many have it so hard, but if you fell hard and it didn’t work out and you did it again and maybe you’re not good at that then trusting yourself feels almost impossible.


Plus, it’s like you said. It’s just the weekend.




Today I am also grateful to know there are still good guys in this world. 
(seems like a prize for being a good girl)