Wednesday, April 15, 2015

practice creating sound

I am by no means a brilliant success. If I tell you something you should most likely not listen to 99.9 percent. I actually had to drive home from work and change clothes because Clara (and no telling who else) saw my underwear


You missed the story today.
So I'll tell you here.

First, I think if you ask for some funny a court jester will appear. It's shakespearean, I think. The grandest of tragedies with your ass being out there for the world to see.

It was Clara who told me at about 2:00 today, "Shea, come here. Back up over here."

"Clara, what you are suggesting?"

"Get your butt over here, child. I think you have some tape on your pants." Then she whispered, "Right on your butt."

That's a true friend. Someone who'll tell you there's tape on your rear end. So of course I back up to Clara and she puts her finger on where pants were supposed to be but now there was a hole, a rip at the seam, and she said louder than normal, "Girl, I know what color your panties are."

exclamation point.

Something happens to your body at this point. An exclamation point. A sudden tightening of muscles you didn't even know you had. A quick time travel at everywhere you've been till that time from when you put on those pants until you backed up to Clara's desk.

And you do the only thing you could ever do. You start laughing with the people within a two office radius.

"ohhhh.m.g. I gotta go home and change."

"Well, yes you do child. You just go right ahead."

Fast forward through a guy named Hampton and UPS stopping the car, getting home, changing, driving back, opening my computer to write and hearing a conversation in the hall.

"Did she go home?"
"I don't know. What happened?"
"She had a hole in her pants. She said she was going home to change her pants."
That's when the giggling started.
That's when I yelled from my office, "Talking about her in third person. Hate to know I went home and am already back and here I am sitting trying to do my work and y'all out there laughing at me. Third person. Yeah, I see how you talk about me."

After that there was no holding back. Everyone started all out laughing. Even sweet Alicia.

Later when I called Mom to tell her she sealed the deal of the day with her statement.

"There's no telling how long you've been walking around like that."

Amen, Mama. Amen.

Today I am grateful to be the brunt of the joke, to hear people I love laugh.
It's never a bad day when you do that.


Debi said...

Were you wearing the purple pants???

Chantel said...

You put a smile on my face, sweet love--and handled this in the very best way possible. I once had a "gel pillow" slip out of place in my bra. In my twenties when a thing like size seemed breast had crept around to the side.

Shea Goff said...

Oh Debi. Purple pants made me smile. How silly that I had forgotten about those. RIP, purple pants.

And Chantel, I figure you get to a certain age and you come accustomed to a little shame. Not a bad shame either. You can always buy another pair or pants or a gel pillow. Carry on, you. You got this.