Tuesday, March 31, 2015

fever of head bowed

So here are the fever questions. (pain is intimate. we can't avoid it)

Did I ask for too much?

Well. Yeah.
I mean.
All cancer cured?
That’s a lot or is it.

When do we give up and say, Well, I can’t handle that. You handle that. (question mark here)

What age was I when I decided that no matter how much I studied something I could not do it? That it was bigger than me. I wasn’t smart enough to figure it out.

Was it the periodic table? The equations? Do I find it even harder to think like that now? 
How many excuses do I have? Not smart enough? Someone else is handling it?

How mad can I be at myself?

Let’s go for a walk on gravel and grass and asphault. Let’s stomp the ground and hug each other and say, “Mornin’. Who are you? I am me. I hope you have a good day whatever that may mean. Do you need more than that from me?”

What do we do if someone says, "Yes." (question mark here)

Let's go to bed at night and wonder is that all I could have done. (or let's not ask)

Today I am grateful for researchers, for people who never gave up their lives to something because finding the cure for cancer is/was their lives. I am grateful for those people who collect my money for them.

I am grateful for a woman who shares her story and the one of her friend. She is a teacher. 
(of course she is)

Future gratitude: I am so very, really, honestly, seriously grateful that cancer has been eradicated and there are now only stories of legendary heroes in this world.

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