Saturday, January 3, 2015

day 5 and patient continues to require restraints

Billy Sue to my right


I think he has become no other than a partner would.
Like things have to sneak up on me in order to work.


We have fruit for the juicer and a cleanser to get the remaining cigarette shit out of my blood, but my head. I don’t know what’s going to take care of that.
This has not been easy,

though I dare complain that I have the opportunity to stop smoking and possibly live after that. 

Soyeah.
Butstill.

I have experienced a couple of meltdowns.
Like Dug and Mr. Fox in a church parking lot.
I don’t think any of us will ever look at each other the same after that.

There was that one night at eleven when my skin felt like it was crawling and I wanted to scream and as a result truly appreciated watching Little Bird throw a fit the next day. Later I told Mom how I wanted to cheer, “You go, girl. Don’t hold onto that.”


Today I am grateful for the opportunity to choose to not be a smoker (just typing that … expletive. expletive. expletive.)


Call of the day comes from caller number one.

I’m proud of you.

I’m not comfortable with that.

Then I’m not or I am and I just won’t tell you about it.

You’ve already ruined it. Someone hand me a cigarette.

….

….

….

Thank you. I’m just not being the nicest someone around in case you haven’t noticed.

But yeah. better. I guess.


Special shout out thank you goes to my Mom of the juicer and fruit and a pack of bendy straws.
And yet another one to Netflix for the series Maron. It could be the perfect show for kicking a habit. I feel like Marc gets it to the point I think "Holy shit. This is going to be me for the rest of my life."

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hang in there, you can do it.

Shea Goff said...

I'm going to take that as you're not picking a fight. And then thank you for believing that.