Monday, March 31, 2014
|An old album in an old store where I refused to spend my money because the owner was an old racist bastard.|
I rediscovered a brief elaboration of a tube this weekend and how Ritenour looks is how I felt when listening to it.
Today I am grateful for old albums and old ideas and a weekend of music.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Saturday, March 29, 2014
This year has been braces and back handsprings and you got glasses but thought it would be better if you took your chances. Your little sister was born and you gladly gave her your room. You rode horses with your Mama, shot your first deer with your Daddy. You started collecting these particular little stuffed animals because your cousins suggested it.
You and your friends made bracelets with rubber bands.
You took a break from all the songwriting you used to do.
You grew tall and thin to the point you quizzed me, Am I too skinny?
No, sweetie. You're absolutely perfect or maybe you're too awesome. Stop being so awesome, you little freak.
And there you were the same as you ever are. The you from all those years ago still hopping on one foot, still saying look at me. Still trying to please. Still radiating your own particular joy in this sometimes crazy world.
The other day you asked me, Can you stay here beside me?
Yes. Of course, I said.
This morning I thought again about that question and what a privilege it is to be asked.
Today I am grateful for you, for being able to watch you change your mind, your clothes, your hair, your accessories while knowing there is that part of you, that part I know to be you, which will remain.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Marcus hides the gin under the back porch steps while Freda soaks in scents she thinks are from France. It's been five weeks since she started taking those pills for being fat. If truth be told, though there's less that can, Marcus liked Freda more when she wasn't so worried about things like that.
Today I am grateful for a long walk past manicured lawns with monogrammed flags and polka dot plaques and how I have to admit I sometimes enjoy the surface of what I see.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Monday, March 24, 2014
Sunday, March 23, 2014
So I hear about this from a friend last week and she sends the link and the fact she still thinks I'm a writer after my own declaration of not so much is beautiful and a testament of how she always believes.
I think we all need friends like her.
I hope she applied and I hope she gets it. The project she is working on needs that attention and she would start eight other projects in the time given.
I am not going to apply but I am going to send out a secret wish.
I want someone on that train under duress. I need the next Gonzo to be trapped and feeling the pressure and I want Steadman there to capture it.
Maybe you could do it.
Today I am grateful for the potential.
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Friday, March 21, 2014
Thursday, March 20, 2014
I am frustrated and defensive and tired and self righteous and self loathing and it's been a long day so I take a walk in a park and it is snowing
Mississippi is such a flirt.
And again and again and over and over, I am so very grateful to be reminded that I need to stop taking myself so seriously.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
I read about a girl who can't sleep so she stares out a window and focuses on what is wrong with the world so I think about thermodynamics and entropy and coin tosses and people who woke to solve puzzles in this universe and I wonder could it be so simple as to what a new day means to us.
Today I am grateful for a new day.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Today I am grateful for a small office with a window, a sweet lady who says Good Morning like no other, a means to keep what I have accumulated and a chance to be part of something which I could never do alone.
I remember one of my favorite quotes which always helps with me perspective (helps me breathe).
Haven't we done this before?
If so, we'll do it again.
Stop thinking you're Atlas carrying the world on your shoulders. It will go on with or without you. - Anonymous
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Friday, March 14, 2014
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
From the inside flap:
The central themes of Larry McMurtry's work are the Heartland, with it's dusty plains, it's obsolete cowboys, it's small towns and it's new cities rising like mirages from the surrounding wasteland, and that country of the heart in which his people are lost, restlessly in search of love, sensuality, human warmth, contact with someone else in a barren world where relationships are forever transient.
Today, again, I am grateful for great writers and how contact can mean opening a book.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Sunday, March 9, 2014
|Josh Miller, Artist|
This painting faces anyone who enters the front door of my home. Most recently I have named it People Complaining About Other People Complaining.
Catchy, I think.
Today I am grateful for absurdity, for how the best of friends make sure we keep laughing at ourselves.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
I don't want to take pictures of flowers so I spend three hours working on a video which is not doing what I want it to do no matter how many times I tell it I am extremely disappointed. It doesn't care so I get frustrated and walk onto the porch where I see
in an early sun
and it is ya' know,
So here I am with colored hair taking photos of flowers and being reminded of this.
Today I am grateful for color though part of me wanted to do those in black and white.
Friday, March 7, 2014
Because you knew one day this would become a blog about appearance and product and how to paint yourself into some type of physically gorgeous existence. I'm obviously the expert on that or this is the apocalypse.
For the last two years I have washed my hair every other day and pulled it back every day. My grooming goal was don't emit odor. Clean body, clean hair, clean clothes. If I was clean I had fulfilled my personal and social obligation.
This continues to sound reasonable to me. Let me just say that if someone described me as clean and reasonable then I would consider myself a fair success in this life. Goal obtained, move on.
So I did. I moved on with it.
Until yesterday when I finally sat in a chair and had a very nice lady cut off enough hair to send to a place to make a small mohawk for a child which is nice since I like to think I have something to give other than clean and reasonable.
But I also colored it.
And some part of me feels like I sold out. Like it wasn't okay to be an early gray, to embrace a change which hopefully meant I had matured, grown up a bit. That age carries experience and if we watch and listen then gray can symbolize some kind of wisdom. And who cares about hair and why does it matter and my Mom said, Please, it makes me feel older to have a child so gray and I don't want to feel that old.
My Mom and I are younger now, by as much as ten years they say. And this is nice, I think, because if there are little things I can do to help someone I love then Dear Mom, I can commit to that every six weeks.
Now Mom is most likely hoping that wisdom means I quit rebelling so much.
Hair color yesterday. Eye shadow and mascara today?
Nah. I am only reasonable, not a damn martyr.
Today I am grateful for compromise, for how small acts can mean so much to those we love.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
She sings Etta James' At Last and I am reminded I don't have to go far to discover.
All the crazy magic in this world is right here in front of me.
Today I am grateful for what and who and how is in the here and now.
The past, though valuable, was only a path.
Of course, it's always great when a favorite voice returns.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Monday, March 3, 2014
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Saturday, March 1, 2014
He grunts, pouts, stomps, blows till past the point of compassion and pity is not love and I can't help but think if your life of decent health and a wife and kids and a job and food to eat is so awful then you need to come up with a solution yourself in a room far from those attempting to appreciate the life around them.
But then if I complain I just become him.
So I walk out the door.
Today I am grateful for the choice we have to create, destroy or walk.