Monday, June 10, 2013

not an expert, only experienced

The question you asked by email. You know, the one of which I gave a pat answer because it seemed such a personal move and neutral is all I can do.

What is a person to do during the two months between filing for divorce and it being final?

Go to counseling, I said.

but you asked me a personal question so I need to get personal.

1. Consider what attracted you two in the first place, what repels you now.
2. Practice being alone. Embrace it. Love it. Know no matter where you are happiness is a choice.
3. Freak out thinking nobody will ever even pretend to want you again.
4. Know this is a crack, a hardening. It is your heart and something you will have to repair.
5. Repair it before you ever think marriage again.
6. Prepare to never consider marriage again.

Know there will be moments when you miss a slow dance in the kitchen, your feet in his lap, the way he smiled, the knowing looks, how everything could blow up, fall apart and you could hold it together in front of everyone else but see him and fall into his arms like a child crying. That feeling you're feeling that he's no longer there, he will never be.

It is a surgical amputation without anesthesia unless you drink heavily or take prescription drugs.
There is phantom pain.

The children are watching.

Today I am grateful for questions introduced as too personal.


Elisa Mayo said...

What music are you listening to, are making me sad...deep and personal and true and so you...listen to her, friend.

Anonymous said...

It's not always easy as it seems, marriage that is. Or leaving. Or loving. Or not being loved.

Shea Goff said...

The album is called Gossip in the Grain, Elisa. My apologies for the sad tone, but, as you already know, it was less about the music and more about the subject matter. Today it was about dreaming, and that feels so much better.

And yes, Anonymous, sometimes it can all be so hard. I can't tell you how many times I've said, "I want some easy."

Chantel said...

I've sent this to another heart I know in the midst of such...your truth is sometimes breathtaking, my friend. xo

Shea Goff said...

I hope it helps, Chantel.