Wednesday, December 26, 2012

this is not the world's largest waterfall

It is a cut through road of dirt and gravel, deer camp.
It feels spooky as if something may at any moment get you.
You need this.

Sometimes you need fear to take you out of your own skin.
An adrenaline rush of remember.
How insanely fortunate and blessed and lucky and all the good you have it.
A struggle called ridiculous.




Guilt.





Thirty-two tif photos to be uploaded to an editor who is more than kind. December twenty-fourth is the deadline. Internet not just iffy but useless.

Brain: Your fault. Why did you wait till now?
Me: 'Cause I suck. There I said it. Happy?
Brain: No. You should not suck.
Me: Thanks for the advice. Kiss my ass. I don't get to see my kid tomorrow. Potential tornados in the forecast.
Brain: Go home and pout. You should have planned better.



Mom and Dad have told me of severe weather warnings on the day I had planned to drive and surprise.





I am coming home from my parents' place after trying, trying trying trying, it's not working to use their internet since mine hates me like the weather. I see the light to the east and know what's coming. It's the church, the one that keeps it's steeple lit.

It's late, quiet.
Twenty photos later I get back in the car.
Twenty-four hours later.
   
 I am typing this.













I got to hear Slater laugh on the phone.
I took a break.
It rained on a metal roof.
I saw my parents.
A brother helped with the puzzle.

That editor, she said just drop it in the mail.





Today I am grateful for the day after the day of all the pressure to be happy.
It's got to be okay to sometimes struggle even if we are extremely blessed.






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