Saturday, December 1, 2012

Como

Como, you taught me so much.


The morning business starts anywhere from 11:30pm to 2:30am, if it's 3am then the office is stressed and rushed and all kinds o' crazy gets put out into the internet. Okay, you're right. That could happen at any hour.

The boss is fairly rigid and I'm not always so willing the worker.


Depending on whatever dreams I've dreamed I could have to talk myself out of something. Most times I don't remember them. I just wake with a feeling. Yesterday after work was completed it became deep and dark and something must be terribly wrong though nothing was. The house did not burn down, everyone in the circle seemed good

yet


there was a fall, a twisting black hole and I knew what it was because I've seen it before.
It is everything is not perfect. oh no. failure but in all caps and said in a low, growling tone.


I know to leave everything at the door. Take off my shoes when I walk across your floor.


It doesn't make any sense, totally irrational and is followed by a deep guilt of knowing it's existence. A form of crazy, I'll admit. When I started this I told Kim, Let's watch for manic depressive. I know just enough psychology to sound like I know very little, it was my major. Kim agreed 'cause remember she's the kind of friend who pulls the plug.


I don't want Kim to pull the plug so I make a call.




Surely he's up. He, the better writer, is.
Can you simply like the way someone says hello? Yes, you can. No harm done.

So you're throwing things at the TV and screaming whore?

No, I'm at work.

Oh. Hm. It's just that I saw your update and I thought you were watching Indecent Proposal. What was that about?

It just came to me. I think about it some times. I have to watch it every once in a while so I can get all angry.

Huh. Why are you so mad at Demi?

Oh it's just the whole scenario. He's a fucking idiot for introducing her to a stranger, she sleeps with him for the damn money, then at the end when she comes back he takes her and we're supposed to believe everything is alright like that shit is not going to come up for the rest of their lives. In every damn fight they have for the next fifty years that shit is going to come up.

Maybe he forgave her. Maybe you don't know love.

Yeah. Right. Maybe.

Okay let's say you do. You love your Mom, right?

Yes, I love my Mom.

You love your sister.

Yes.

You love Olivia.

Yes, I love Olivia.

What if Olivia said that's it. You suck. I don't want to be your friend anymore. I want to be that other guy's friend.

Silence.

What if she came back six months later and was all oh you were the best, I was an idiot, please forgive me. Be my friend. Would you still love her?

She's my friend. Of course I'd love her.

Maybe you and I didn't know that the best a married couple can be is friends.

Maybe.





You know I never call without giving you a task.

Yeah. What?

Write about that Mexican restaurant you love in Hernando. What was it's name?

Taco Felix.

Yes. You love that place.

Yes. I do love that place.

Write it. Write what you love.

I don't want the world to know about it. I'm selfish so there.

Okay, I love you. You make me laugh. It's always a pleasure. Thank you.         Bye.




Bye.


He teaches me so much.


You know I'll always be grateful.


Today I am grateful to listen and recognize, to see photographs in a new light, for breakfast plans with my Dad and a project with my brother.


And something Karen said. It came from a book she just read, Every moment is hallowed.
I like that word much better than I like perfect.

2 comments:

Chantel said...

It's 9:05am...I've just sat down at my desk, downtown Pittsburgh...I despise coming into the office on a Saturday, but sometimes it's the most productive. (and I'd better be damn productive or I'll have to come in more often! lol) So I'm grumbling and cranky and need more coffee....

And you change it all. Hallowed is a marvelous word. Simply marvelous. xo

Shea Goff said...

Oh good. I felt the same way when I heard it, Chantel. Feelings travel. Cool. ;)