Thursday, December 13, 2012
I've learned you can tell a lot about a person by the way (s)he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights.
Maya keeps me in check.
There was that one Christmas, the one after Slater's Dad and I got divorced.
The tree, it had to be live and particular and the smell and white lights and as much like my Mom's that I could handle.
Christmas was a tree in the front window, a peace sign to the road.
Here in this house are Christians celebrating a birth.
Christmas was visiting that parking lot, the one lined with trees.
The guy who I had to trust, Yeah, yeah, that's a good one. You need a stand?
Um. Yeah. I think so.
Christmas was how pleased I was to have that tree tied down and hanging out the trunk.
I was doing this. Slater was going to have a Christmas like I did.
The radio boomed out Christmas music, the window cracked for the cigarette I was smoking.
At twenty three I was walking five miles every morning. I felt strong, and all, I can do this. I am doing this. I got a tree hanging out of my car. Look at me, couple at the red light, I'm rocking to Christmas music, smoking a cigarette and a tree is hanging outta my car. I am so Christmas. Yeah.
Slater was at his Nan's for the weekend. He was two so I thought it best that he walk into the room with the tree done. Looking back now it was the best decision I could have made because when I got home with that tree I had to get it in the house.
If you've never seen a young woman and a tree fight in a yard then you've never really lived, never seen a good youtube video. All I will write in my self defense is that tree had nothing else to live for. I did. The thing is is that I don't like to fight and I was in tears by the time I got that tree leaning to the right.
Sitting on the floor in front of that tree I thought to myself, Why the hell am I doing this?
Then I remembered and got out the lights.
Today I am grateful for what I let go and what I held on to.