Dear Thirty-Eighth Cousin Twice Removed,
If you are reading this it means you found the box. What were you doing digging so deep in the backyard? Don't answer that. Surely by now I don't care so much. We'll just say you were looking for answers to why your Aunt Sophie is nuts. I can't do any of my hobby diagnosing from over here but I can tell you a little bit about who you came from and then Aunt Sophie may at least look honest.
1. If you're lucky you'll witness a laugh, one made by more than one woman in a circle. Hopefully it is sisters and they travel in pairs if widowed. This sound you hear, it is a trait given to them by the Slays and the Moores. It is a family favorite, music from the past and as a spokesperson I ask you to think of it as a gift, an inheritance. The family is glad you enjoy it.
2. There is a slight, evolutionary glitch of neurotic. It could be that our particular striped brand of the species has lost some spots. If so, congratulations. If not, it's why you are who you are so enjoy it.
3. Up over the hill there was a pond, two barns. That horseshoe you found, it could belong to Rocking Chair or, if you're of the lucky sort, it could be Pancho Villa's, a treasured gift from the Fitzgeralds. There are so many animals to mention, a dog named Billy Sue and a cat named Silly. If you see a coyote chasing a deer don't even bother to holler.
4. You come from a knowledge and a respect for the land. I hope you still see it. Maybe an Uncle Jack from the line of my brother's son? I don't know but it's there, somewhere, surely around you right now someone from your family is working the earth. If it is with a vehemence consider it a survival trait passed down through Sybil's son.
5. The house behind you, there was a dining room. It's cool to think that maybe you have Thursday dinners or Tuesday lunches or Sunday breakfast or an hour any day of the week to sit and stare at each other. Please consider this dance, this ritual, this ceremony as a love note from a Mrs. Griffin. She was cool or rad or phat or awesome or groovy. does just saying good still work?
That's it. I could say more, but girl, life's too full of now to live in the past. Get going.
Your grateful distant cousin
Post Script. If you found this box while digging to build a mall, please put the letter back, place the box in the hole and drive till you receive signal. Once you're closer to town please call a member of the family who sold this land. Tell 'em they have to keep it.