Saturday, June 2, 2012

wherein we pepper the OCD with some empty nest psychosis and party like rock stars

Our last morning is tense, rushed. Thirty minutes till your first day on the job and you head to the store to buy a duffel bag. You want to take all your clothes just in case you leave today and don't come home for a few weeks. It's the most absurd thing I've ever heard. You'll be back tonight. I'll cook supper and we'll laugh about how you thought the guy had said something about maybe possibly going to a state that begins with an M.

Missouri?  Surely not.

That doesn't happen. You don't get a job one afternoon and leave the next day going to a whole'nother state possibly beginning with a particular letter in the alphabet which could be an M but not Mississippi or Maryland or Michigan or Minnesota. Maybe the guy on the phone said Missouri and you could get in a truck with strangers and go to a town I haven't scouted and be around people I don't know and

I'll just edit photos.

Don't worry about me. I'll be fine here with these photos and the internet and Billy Sue and really, you'll be okay. They pay for your meals? And your hotel, I mean motel, I mean it doesn't have internet access? okay.


Oh. you're rooming with someone? Is he a crackhead? Not that there's anything wrong with crackheads, I mean we shouldn't judge, I'm sure there are some wonderful crackheads in this world but he doesn't smoke crack, right? Yes, I do realize the fact that I just asked that makes me a crackhead. 

Answer the question. No?


You know I can drive up there, right? Take you out to eat, bring you some more clothes.  
No. It wouldn't be an intervention. 
Are you not happy? You sound serious. 
I'm fine so you are too and everything is okay and I'm just editing photos and deleting photos and Billy Sue did the funniest thing.

oh. you gotta go.

don't go.

That was just a joke. I know you have to leave because you are twenty years old and you are brilliant and you are kind and you will be fine and I was always this crazy but before I just tried to hide it and I have the photos and Billy Sue and the writing and I'll take the garbage can to the road and I'll figure this out because this is part of raising a child and I'm strong and I can handle it and I don't want to make you cry because I love it when you laugh.

I love you. I miss you but not too bad. this is normal. it's just parenting.

It seems silly to say I am grateful for Slater since so much of the gratitude started with him.


Anonymous said...

Enjoyed reading this. Captured you and Slater perfectly. The pictures were amazing and it was wonderful watching him grow up again. Hope putting it on paper helped you cope with his absence. Part of being a loving MOM. I think he will enjoy it, too.

Anonymous said...

Chill bumps with a tear, or two

Chantel said...

I'm dreading that absence...but know it's normal. On the flip side, part of me is quite tired at the moment, of waking up never thinking of what I want to life revolves around "them" 24/7. *sigh* Balance? Could we have some balance please?

This was so real, so full of your love. If you were my neighbor, we'd go out for coffee and plan a dinner party...

Shelby said...

Love you Ms. Shea.

Sharon Longworth said...

I think Chantel said it - this was so real and so full of love. Letting go is tough, but he will come back again and that will be simply lovely.

Shea Goff said...

Thank you, Anonymous One, my loving MOM.

Anonymous Two, I was sobbing which I consider a healthy act of clearing out the tear ducts. A flushing of sorts.

Chantel, I think balance is a fictional character in one of those silly little fairy tales we were told as children. Balance, schmalance. You're gonna paint like crazy. And we'd have an awesome dinner party.

Shelbs, you are the sweetest thing. I love you too.

Funny you should come here and comment, Sharon. You wrote a piece on moving your daughter into her new place. It was so classy and dignified and wonderful. I read it, respected your strength and thought I hope I have one tenth of her composure. Thank you for sharing that. And you're right, it's simply lovely just to talk with him on the phone.