Thursday, February 16, 2012

in search of the elusive successful

He speaks in postcards and mails me a book.

He buys me perfume though I'll never wear it.

I tell him.
I feel regret.

It is a matter of fact with an issue of feel.

It was the one part of the interview when there was a change in respiration, a didn't see that one coming. With all of that she said she was lacking but the lighting was so perfect and I really wanted to believe. I wanted to see, witness for myself, and it was. I promise you it was.

Until she mentioned she wanted to share it with someone.
She never dreamed of going solo.


I did not groan in the interview though I could have. I have since. Maybe I smiled to cover the disappointment. I'm almost positive I tried to find a new subject. Let's talk about something other than your life is perfect but you need a man. Not in those words but maybe in a, Seriously!!!! You've got to be kidding me. followed by many expletives. No, not in those words. More like, What about this weather?

There was once this wedding and there was once this speech given by a father. Everyone loved the speech, made sure to say so afterwards. I went along with it, nodded my head when it was mentioned but for the life of me I couldn't shake what he said. He was just so happy that someone was going to take care of his little girl who was by then a woman in her late twenties.

It's just I couldn't help but wonder what happened that she couldn't take care of herself.

I am grateful for the teachers in my life and for that part of me (albeit small and stubborn) which is still willing to be taught.

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