Saturday, January 21, 2012


I sometimes wonder about the balance of seeking validation and living in a wilderness of no response. Something has to connect us, right? When do you realize you stepped off the cliff?




Kim and I both said when I started this that we would monitor me and check for highs and lows. She said she would be my am I alright, buddy. Somebody has to be pretty tough to tell you you're not alright, buddy. And it's got to be a sneak attack. And they have to be all I'm gonna get this shit done. And when you tell them no, I am okay and this is why and you go into your prepared defense and it's funny 'cause you deflect with humor, you make them laugh so they'll forget about you and it works until later when you walk to your cars and she says, Do whatever you wanna do. I'm just saying you're not okay.

My Dad emailed me. He said I'm worried about you and Slater.

I think this is when I have to (it is imperative) get this shit done. Because.

1. Mom says she's okay but I don't want to worry Dad.

2. If I don't move then I'll just stay.

I think right here right now is void of passion. It is a creek rather than a river. It is water flowing over rocks rather than a waterfall. It is time to feel again.

But I tell myself, beg her (the attracted to drama  me), please no drama. be easy on me.

This week I gave myself the award of being the most depressing blog ever in the history of blogdom. Yay, I won. You and me, I say we chalk this up to getting somewhere. We are taking a picture of what I have done on the studio Sunday night and I am going to bring it here and I am going to send it to my Dad. Kim will see it and it will be proof positive I am okay. And so is Slater. He's writing in java and talking to his Uncle Josh about illustrating.

Dude. What's java? don't answer that.

Yellow Dog Designs Studio,  Josh and Priscilla Miller photograph

Gratitude in the knowledge that sometimes if you have to ask the question then you already know the answer.


Anonymous said...

A month or so ago I got on an ebay kick. I was searching for four items from my childhood that I no longer had, items that had been lost through countless moves and roommates. The first three were Elfquest books. At one point in my life I had owned the whole series, but, over time my collection shrunk to only the first book. I found book two in Texas and ordered promptly. Book three and four were found in a book store in Alaska, and they too were ordered. They have since arrived and I have begun to reread these books, taking up the quest as I did when I was nine years old. But this does not pertain to you at all. It is the forth item that I ordered that may give you some light in your current situation.

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy is a totally ridiculous tale written by a completely goofy man named Douglas Adams. I read it when I was eleven and have since read it countless times. There are several books in the series, but the first, is by far the best.

How does this pertain to me? you may ask


This simple phrase, this timeless knowledge, this thought to live by, is printed on the outside casing of The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I do not mean the book itself, though some editions do have this printed on it's dust jacket, but the actual Guide the characters use to navigate through their ridiculous adventure.

really, how does this pertain to me? you may ask, getting inpatient.

You may never read the book, even though it will soon be available to you anytime you wish, but this phrase, DON'T PANIC, most certainly applies to you at your present time. When you are confused, when you have lost your direction, or, as in the story, the world is falling apart around you (the earth being destroyed to make way for an intergalactic bypass is how the novel begins), DON'T PANIC. Following this simple instruction allows the characters in the book, as it can for you, to attain a singular focus and a pathway to get out of any mess they, or you, are in.

So today, as you are cleaning your studio, DON'T PANIC, and get the shit done.

Your brother

P.S. The book also references the importance of keeping a towel on you at all times, but I feel this one may not be applicable to you. But it might.

Shea Goff said...

Yeah. I think what you just did was give some of the best advice anyone could give someone.

Don't panic.

Sometimes I feel like maybe I don't panic enough and I panic about not panicking but then I laugh at myself.

Oh sweet, sweet laughter. What would we do without it? I can't imagine.

Have I told you lately that I absolutely adore your comments? I do. Thank you.