A familiar anxiety crept in the night before the shoot. What if I can't take a decent photograph? What if the memory card corrupts? What if the lights throw me? What if I don't know what the hell I am doing and the photographs are the best evidence yet? What if I disappoint someone who has so kindly encouraged me? What if we all die?
Right before the heart attack I got a call letting me know where the key was.
Kay: You can pick up the key at The Green Grocer. Everything is ready for you.
Me: Okay. I hope to get you some great shots. I started getting nervous about it last night.
Kay: Well let me go ahead and alleviate any fears you may have. Just go down there and enjoy yourself. You don't even have to take pictures.
Me: Thank you, Kay. You are too sweet. I'll do my best.
On my way to the place I thought, She doesn't want me to take pictures. Maybe she really hates my photography. Maybe this is some type of charitable help the mentally ill work she is doing. Maybe every time I sign the guest book she gets to document the hours for some special medal in heaven.
Then I got there and then I remembered.
What if I just relax?
What if everything is going to be okay?
Wouldn't that be crazy?