Sunday, June 12, 2011


I contemplate the possibility this is the end of desire. The gain more or have less are equal in value, no one thing better or worse than the next. If Bill Hicks really thought this was all a ride then why was he so angry and what did that anger do?

I think this is when I am supposed to go shopping, find a bright new shiny thing to add to a collection of dull dusty old things. What could I want? No thing.

He says maybe I need a pill but I ask him how can I trust someone who manufactures a pill to make me want. How do I know they won't just make my brain want them? He says maybe this is depression. But maybe, I respond, we just gave depression a negative connotation. Maybe it is okay to not want. Maybe the depression was caused by a media who gave us standards of happiness.

So how do you feel?

Disconnected but not bad not good not anything. No surge or depletion. What if this never ends, what if this is what you feel at the end. What if shame guilt pride greed jealousy no longer existed? What would we do without them? Just be grateful to be here, to be on this ride?

I think we've all felt like that before.

Okay, so maybe I am connected.

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