Wednesday, June 15, 2011

intimacy

Not naked but honest, I wonder how many of these relationships can a human handle. Charlie said the man and woman in The Civil Wars are not married, but, in fact are in relationships (marriages?) with other people. My brain screamed, ears bled. Not really, but it felt like a disappointment.

Then I began thinking about the intimate relationships in my life.

Tonight I'll say you'll never be more intimate than with the human being that comes out of your magic baby door (great Craig Ferguson piece about Scottish sex education). This human will, will do things to you that have never been done before. You will never love like this. Shit puke tears blood, laughter that's music, a smile to light the world, a pout to destroy the universe.

We have been taken over by the children.

Slater and I have this look. It is a different look than I have with anyone in the entirety of all that is. We'll call it an acknowledgement. In a room full of everyone including him I will always have a certain interior magnet which consumes me. Where is he? Is he smiling? What is he doing? Does he need me? If you can only imagine what it feels like to live in an environment where someone is consumed by you then you have to consider he did pretty well living with me.

He is beautiful. Calm. Cool. Collected.

He lived in a world where the drama was my head and we laughed at it.

Did I mention his laugh? Yeah, I think I did once or twice in the layers of this space.

Anyway, my cousin Betsy is going to have a baby, she and Ted actually. Aunt Sue is going to be a Grandmother, mama a la grande. Nice, warm, cozy little bundle of life and they are preparing mentally, emotionally, physically, every whichaway and I smile 'cause I know that no matter what they do, nothing will prepare them for the love,

the consuming kind.


Dear Bets,

If you don't have a very slight touch of neurosis now you will not be able to avoid being overcome with the most severe form of neurosis anyone has ever witnessed in just a few months. It's okay, maybe it is fatal but we'll call it a slow death. That human being growing inside of you will one day destroy you in the most perfect death any human can hope to expect. They are your greatest gift and I know you will be theirs 'cause you're one of the coolest fucking cousins I've ever seen.

You'll never share more stories than you will with this individual and stories are love.

You do have the capacity to kill Ted. Don't worry, Ted, you could kill Bets too. Right now you guys are the cutest, most everything all sweet, chocolates and kisses reason for facebook to exist. I love you guys but there is no doubt I'm looking at a couple of murderers there. Do something the other feels wrong to that kid and prepare to die. I'm not trying to get all dramatic here I am just saying that maybe when that perfect little human being arrives you both may need to have a shared respect sign. I don't know what it is these days, a fist pump? You may at least want to whisper in the throngs of overcoming some pain,


respect.

The laughter, I can't describe it. You know how you go to Widespread, Bets? You know that feeling you get being amongst all that shared groovy? That's a sneeze or maybe just the tingling you get in your nose before the sneeze.

Don't blink. Seriously, do not let your upper and lower eyelids touch 'cause while that contact is being made that kid will be outta the baby hatch and into college. And then at a job. And then at his Nan's. And then, maybe, you'll find ways to write you to him every night. That human will always consume you but you will find ways to not drive them crazy.

hopefully.

Is that all? No. I can't write that much. I just want to say, congratulations and I am sorry and welcome to you my friend. Welcome to you, that person is the best person you'll ever meet.

Love being shot like a laser beam right smack at ya',
Shea



Gratitude.