Wednesday, April 13, 2011

insulated

Mr. Science likes to dabble in the extraordinary, play in the outer layers of possibilities, wonder the what ifs. In his studies of this and that he came across a notion. What if, he says, we chose this journey, these people we meet because in this life we wanted to experience and learn certain things?

Hmm yeah, what if? I sit next to him.

Oh I don't know. It is just something to think about maybe, another way to consider the people in our lives, the happenstances, the serendipity, the pain, the hunger, the loss, the gain. What if we chose all this?

I lay my head down in his lap, pull the cover to my chin and he plays with my hair. Maybe. I guess. Anything is possible, right?

There are blues playing in the other room, new music he brought me. I've lit all the candles I have left. We're at the point where Slater has bought each one. They are his go to gift in the seasons of giving. This is a cozy place to consider possibilities.

I think about him, about the stories of his life before I seemingly entered this world. What would I have wanted to learn from this? What is he teaching me?

He is calm. Yes. Quite the thinker. Most definitely. A planner, a collector. Shy and fearful at times and the bravest man I know at others. There are ways being in his space has changed me though I have fought it every fiber of the way.

I think of others as well. People I had long written off but their names kept coming up. Even today there is that name. What have they taught me? Why are they still teaching? Right here, right now in a candlelit room with old blues and a new companion I would have to say they showed me to want more for myself. And them? I guess I would have wanted to teach them to love themselves but maybe we were too young and I couldn't possibly teach a language so foreign to me. Maybe them and me we had to, still have to teach each other forgiveness 'cause how could we love ourselves if we had never forgiven ourselves.

May be.






Gratitude.

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