Then why am I not running there and why did I wake up this morning under duress of my own expectations of myself. Fucking Valentine's Day, man. I just wanted to hide out, remove myself from those situations where people needed me 'cause I couldn't handle the pressure and it felt like extreme pressure to do in order to please. And if I'm totally honest right here with you then I have to say that sometimes I just can't take it. I can't take the pressure and no amount of logical reasoning seems to help.
So here I am a walking cliche somewhere between head and heart. Be logical or go with your gut, and I've always been a gut girl and never much liked the thought of being a cliche so I am doubting myself and feeling all whiny and mean and at the very least out of sorts. But then I'm bad at relationships. It's been proven. There are documents.
For right now I'll just hide out, wait until the coast clears, peek around the corner, make a run for the border and remember to be grateful. That is as sensible as I can be right now.
Gratitude? Yeah, tomorrow is February 15th, and it's only four hours and ten minutes away.
I totally suck and I know that.