Tuesday, February 1, 2011

calm

Tonight I woke up in anxiety, a centered struggle. What day is it? It's still the weekend surely. Oh no, it's the week. Yesterday was Monday. Work. I need to read that material. I'll get everything done tomorrow. I need to clean the house. I'll do it in a minute. First things first, what time is it? Am I late?

And then

Whoa, calm down Kimo Sabe. It's cool. Everything is just fine. Chill out. You are not the center of the universe, just a silly little character in a beautiful story.

There was a moment this past weekend, several of them but one comes to mind first.

I'm at the bottom of a long dirt drive. We've been to the camp, down to Woody's old place, Dad and I have chatted and laughed. I've shot hundreds of pictures of him. Dad walking this way, Dad looking at the trees, Dad telling stories of roasted peanuts traded for wood. He puts the truck in park and asks, You mind if I check the mail, Boog?

Go right ahead, Daddy.

Figure breakfast is 'bout ready, huh?

Yeah, I'm hungry.

He gets out of the truck and I hear his footsteps fade. Off to my right in a huge tree, the one by the old barn I see them. Hundreds of blackbirds playing in the wind, dancing within a formation which seems to become a being in itself and you know they don't realize it but you can see it. They can't see outside themselves but you are there to witness it. They are all the universe, all of them and it's beautiful against the blue sky. And it's my Dad and my Mom is in the kitchen preparing homemade biscuits and deer sausage and eggs. Both my brothers and Priscilla will be coming for breakfast and we'll laugh and talk and eat and take more pictures. And this is the universe and it sustains me.



Girl done gone and got herself some daddy issues. But then that's cool 'cause there are some men who teach you how to love and there's nothing any better than love.


Gratitude.

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