Thursday, January 13, 2011


I don't much like to complain, I've said before I am extremely lucky and at least a tad bit grateful, but baby, it's cold outside. No, not South Dakota cold, lucky and grateful, but it is fourteen degrees in the state of Mississippi and the fingers and toes have found less pleasure in the act of typing and placing even shoed feet on icelike tile. If my night job involves pecking away at a chilled keyboard and researching for about five hours then you could maybe say that any creative juices found to have inspired earlier work could have slowed their pumping through the veins.

It is harder now.

There is a certain beauty to dark work where a writer or a musician or a painter or a photographer delves into some inner pain and produces what feels like complete honesty. It could be called riveting at times. And you, you may find yourself changing the pace of your breath or possibly even your heart. I have known of photographs and writings and music and paintings with which this has happened for me. One photograph actually branded my memory and I wish it hadn't.

I wish I had never seen it. So no, I am not even going to tell you it's subject matter. I will just say it made me mad, punched me in the gut, had me gasp for air and kept me coming back till I couldn't look anymore. It became more and more obvious I was losing my capacity for happiness at each study. The work ultimately produced denial.

No, not denial that I had ever seen it. Denial that I could do anything about it.

So I personalized it. The place I gave it is the you better not bitch for one damn moment area of my brain. The any problem you think you have is seriously not a fucking problem portion of my psyche. It cleansed me, left me naked and clothed me with absolute gratitude.

Cold is not a problem 'cause I have clothes, socks my Mom gave me for Christmas, shoes, two, count 'em two heaters running and a bed and blankets and a pillow. Yeah, it's cold and I've been bitching a little lately about that fact so I guess I'm here to repent and say....

oh, the suspense....

what will she say...................

please, don't make us wait any longer..........

oh. of course.


Today is a holiday of warm wishes from friends. Thank you Priscilla, Angie and Kim.

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