Thursday, October 7, 2010


Why in the world would a girl be so focused on No?

I think it has to do with control issues. My own control issues.

Is controlophobic a word? Ummmm, well....I think I got that. And this is one of those times when you become the message you're preaching against and you find out so much more about yourself. My problem with control in others is that I would have to give up my control in order to allow theirs.

Or is that the case? Can my freedoms not impose on your freedoms?

It seems maybe that once again we have the balance issue. The tightrope of time and control. My most immediate gender opposite relationship reflects this lesson I am learning. My goal is to make an A on the final exam, to be at the top of the class. But then that's another lesson. Competition.

Control assists me in aspects of daily living. It makes sure that I go to work on time every day. It means that I bathe and drive an acceptable speed and use my inside voice when needed. Controlophobia is right along the lines of an eating disorder or that whole shoplifting thing. It is about balance because you can't just go cold turkey. You can't stop controlling or eating or purchasing.

It seems that in this country, this United States of America, we stand for a certain amount of freedom. A freedom to be who we are, say what we want to say, vote for who we want to vote for, wear purple pants, worship any way we'd like. In fact, I think the whole premise of our founding fathers seemed to be based on the ability to be free. It is a craving we all seem to share.

Yet where do we find the balance of allowing for our own freedoms while allowing someone else theirs? There has to be some type of control, right?

A compromise of sorts perhaps.

I was reading a post by Charles Gramlich yesterday and he posed the issue of religion and politics in writing. Both his views and his reader's views are worth a look.

My own opinion of this issue is that religion and politics are pretty important to me. I guess. Not so important that I've actually joined a group or party or even a couple of people for dinner who think exactly the same as me. It is just at times I want to hear an opposing view, I want to explore someone else's life experiences to find out how they came to their conclusion. I want to be open to hear what they have to say. In order to do that, it seems, I have to give them my views.

And I want to be able to say No, I don't necessarily think that way but hell I don't know everything and maybe you're right so maybe it's good that you and I can compromise at times after listening to or reading each other's views.

I think for me the compromise is do no harm. Do no harm to others. You and I, I hope we can meet on those five words. Be aware, be careful, do no harm.

We can allow each other to be who we are without infringing on each other's rights. Is there a balance that allows for that? Is that a pipe dream?

In my choice of how I walk out into the world on Thursday, October 7, 2010 I will say No, it is not a pipe dream. I see it every day. People of all races, religions, short, tall, poor, rich, in all types of clothing and with all kinds of looks on their faces are walking past me, doing the customary wave from their steering wheel, smiling, saying hey, telling me to have a nice day.

Doing no harm.

And they're all quite beautiful.

I see it every damn day.

Maybe how I see the world is the only control I have left.


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